Galactus presents…the End of Civilization.

§ April 30th, 2009 § Filed under End of Civilization Comments Off on Galactus presents…the End of Civilization.

“HUMANS! Galactus must FEED upon the life force of worlds for sustenance, but must not expend any more energy than necessary in conquering those worlds for consumption. My herald upon your world, the Silver Sterling, has spent the past 50 months examining your world’s cultural artifacts and sending his reports to me…and it’s become increasingly clear that your world will pose NO difficulty for me to consume.

“You can examine my herald’s previous reports in the links present in the sidebar of this primitive communications medium. His current report, taken from your Earth publication Diamond Previews, of the Earth date May 2009, begins NOW. So says GALACTUS.”

p. 129 – The Dark Knight 1:6 Scale Joker (Gotham City Police):

Commemorating that approximately 1 second of screentime Heath Ledger had in this particular costume.

p. 168 – Beserker #2:

“As seen on the Today Show” — by no one who’s actually going to buy the book. (Well, okay, that’s not fair…there are always some people that’ll buy anything they’ve seen on TV, whether or not it’s something they’re likely to enjoy.)

p. 189 – President Evil one-shot:

Okay, it’s great people are excited about our President, and that comic publishers have discovered that slapping Obama on a cover is a good way to grab sales…but seriously, enough is enough. I’m hoping for a “Sub-Mariner Meets President Taft” special just to mix it up a bit.

p. 196 – Archie Double Digest #200:

“Archie’s dad receives the promotion he’s worked a lifetime for, but it comes at a price: the family must relocate and leave Riverdale! […] It’s the most poignant ‘New Look’ story yet.”

I’m pretty sure we’ve seen this story a number of times in Archie comics before. Then again, you can say that about pretty much any Archie story. Then again, you can say that about pretty much any story in any long-running comic book. Well, maybe not this story, but you know what I mean.

p. 210 – Female Force #5:

Okay, we’ve had five issues of origin stories for Hillary Clinton, Sarah Palin, Michelle Obama, and so on…I’m getting a little impatient for the Female Force superteam to finally form and start fighting crime together. I mean, c’mon.

p. 333 – Batman Brave and the Bold T-Shirt:

Tying into the popular children‘s cartoon. Shirts available in Adult Medium through XXL.

p. 346 – Star Trek TOS Series 5 PX Salt Vampire:

I’ve been trying to come up with something to say about the Salt Vampire figure other than “OOH AWESOME,” which is just sad so perhaps I should just move on.

p. 352 – The Exorcist Possessed Regan Electronic Deluxe Box Set:

There’s a crucifix joke in here somewhere, but I ain’t gonna make it.

p. 374 – Walt Disney Classics Collection Runaway Brain Figurines:

Now, I know this is based on a specific, relatively recent animated short, but still:


p. 378 – Batroc Mini-Bust:

If ever a bust cried out for a full-figure statue, it’s Batroc. A statue of him in mid-leap, along with a sound chip containing readings of choice bits of his dialogue in an over-the-top French accent. That’s how you make Fine Art even finer, my friends.

p. 380 – Thor The Frog God of Thunder Mini-Bust:

And now…the greatest Marvel statue ever made:

p. 384 – Star Wars Chess Set:

Not shown is the Jar Jar Binks piece, that occasionally pops up and completely disrupts the game and generally makes everyone miserable.

p. 384 – Star Wars Legacy Darth Talon Mini-Bust:

Remember back when Star Wars was this mostly sexless thing? I miss those days. (And don’t throw Slave Leia in my, so to speak. That never really did anything for me. Heresy, I know.)

p. 401 -Sif Ex Ikki Tousen Sonsaku Fighting Repaint Figure:

I’m assuming the panties haven’t been repainted.

p. 410 – Watchmen Be@rbricks 3-Pack:

Oh, dear…you may wish to avert your eyes:

Good God in heaven. Dig this Comedian:

That’s like the worst Mouseketeer ever.

Those do have the effect of making the plain vanilla Watchmen Kubricks a little more acceptable:

p. 412 – Land of the Lost Chaka Funko Force Bobble Head:

As much of a Land of the Lost fan that I am, I’m gonna have to draw the line here, I think.

p. 413 – Star Trek Romulan Ale Energy Drink:

I don’t know, man…the last thing you want to deal with is a wired Romulan, I tell you what.

p. 415 – Robin Secret Wishes costume:

This should awaken some new feelings in a few people. Also, I realize “Secret Wishes” is a brand name, but my initial reaction to seeing that is “what are they saying about Bruce, exactly?” Yeah, I know, a “Batman is totally gay” joke, I’m sorry.

p. 416 – Bizarro Deluxe Mask:

This is honestly far more terrifying than it has any reason to be. Casts a new light on those wacky Silver Age Bizarro stories.

p. 418 – Stargate SG-1 Coaster Set:

This seems clever and yet strangely…diminishing, for some reason.

p. 420 – Disney Traditions Mickey and Minnie Kissing Figurine:

Man…furries, I swear.

Marvel p. 3 – Reborn #1:

“Solicit to be revealed soon,” says the spot where the solicitation information should be. Totally not involving the return of the currently presumed dead Captain America, or totally not trying to make you think it involves the return of said dead Cap.

p. 103 – Mephisto Vs. Premiere HC:

This series gets the deluxe hardcover treatment. Really. Well, okay, there’s some nice John Buscema art, but…c’mon, you’re surprised by this book, aren’t you? It’s not just me?

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