Progressive Ruin presents…the 50th End of Civilization!
It all started with a Buffy the Vampire Slayer stake replica…a $100 piece of wood in a fancy box. Since then, I’ve been poking through each new issue of Previews for the notable, the bizarre, the silly, the outright baffling…and occasionally finding an item or two I’d even like. I bought the Snakes on a Plane talking pen from this EoC entry, for example, for no good reason I can name, other than I’ll occasionally press the button on it even now and just laugh at the stupidity of it all. And there’s one item in today’s entry that I’m genuinely excited about. I’ve even managed to sell things to customers because of these EoC lists.
Every month, I think “okay, that’s it, I’m not doing these any more.” Because really, how much more can I say about those Japanese girly statues, you know? But I keep doing it, and you folks seem to enjoy it, so let the End of Civilization continue as long as we can manage, my friends.
Pop open your April 2009 Previews and follow along, if you dare:
p. 186 – Cerebus Archive #2:
We’d been joking at the shop about the inevitability of a “Zombie Obama” variant cover, given the comic industry’s obsession with throwing one or other on the cover for a sales boost. But it took Dave Sim to dare do such a thing. Well, almost, as it’s Cerebus who’s the zombie, not Obama, but close enough. Shame about the $15(!) price tag for the variants, though.
p. 196 – Land of the Lost #1:
I remember looking in an Overstreet price guide for the first time, when I was but a young Mikester, looking to see if there was a comic based on my favorite kids TV show Land of the Lost. Alas, the only comic under that name was one from the ’40s, based on a radio program.
Well, at last that need has been fulfilled. Doesn’t matter that I’m 40 now…I’m totally buying this. (The solicitation seems to indicate that it’s based on the ’70s version, not the forthcoming Will Ferrell…thing. Let’s hope.)
p. 230 – Barack the Barbarian: Quest for the Treasure of Stimuli #1:
I thought the regular cover for this comic was sort of mindboggling…until I saw the “Red Sarah” variant:
America…what a country.
p. 264 – Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan #1:
“The one Star Trek movie that never got a proper comic book adaptation is the best one!”
I’m pretty sure Insurrection and Nemesis got skipped, too. Unless we’re just talking Classic Trek…in which case, never mind.
p. 339 – Joker Face T-Shirt:
“Sir, I must say I do not care for your garment’s impertinent glare.” …This shirt is far more disturbing than it really should be.
p. 340 – Firestorm Black T-Shirt:
There was a time when I totally would have bought this shirt. May still.
p. 340 – Weekly World News “Obama” Black T-Shirt:
If I may refer the reader to the Weekly World News’ follow-up story, in which the Alien withdrew the above-pictured endorsement in favor of McCain…well, I think this tells you all you need to know about the left-wing Mainstream T-Shirt-Making Media, don’t you think?
p. 372 – Predator 2 Cutting Disc & Hand Limited Edition Prop Replica:
So there was that episode of The Addams Family where Thing’s extraterrestrial cousin came to visit:
“Lurch!”
“YOU RANG?”
“Go find Thing and Space-Thing…I suspect those two are up to some mischief!”
“URRRRRRR….”
p. 378 – Rock Iconz Ozzy Osbourne “Diary of a Madman” Statue:
Terrifyingly enormous codpiece may require extra assembly.
p. 401 – Marbs’ Marvel Super Heoes Marbles Series 2:
No joke here, really…just pleased to see that Galactus gets an extra-sized marble. (Used to call those bigger marbles “boulders” when I was a kid…do kids even play with marbles any more? Or do they just play marble simulation games on their handheld X-Wiis? …Whoops, excuse me a moment, I have to go shake my cane at some people and tell them to get off my lawn.)
p. 401 – Wolverine Origins Leather Mask:
I’m pretty sure I’ve made fun of something like this in a past End of Civilization. But really, who can pass up another chance to post a picture like that? Just picture that guy saying “I’m the best at what I do, bub.” Yeah, I could totally take that seriously.
p. 405 – Star Trek The Next Generation Deluxe Shirts:
Kid Chris asked if he could dress like this for work. I told him if he did, he’d have to stand outside and wave at passing cars. Mostly so I wouldn’t have to look at him.
Also, if you get one of these, don’t wear it to jury duty. I mean, honestly.
p. 405 – Star Trek The Next Generation Locutus of Borg/Worf Masks:
I get the Worf mask, since it’s close enough to Generic Klingon for general costume use, but…I don’t know, Locutus seems awfully specific. If you’re gonna dress as a Borg, wouldn’t you rather costume-Borgify your own face instead of wearing a rubber mask that sort of resembles Patrick Stewart in Borg make-up?
p. 405 – Star Trek USS Enterprise Bottle Opener:
This seems a tad bit…disrespectful, somehow. Though admittedly, the original Enterprise didn’t seem to have any shortage of bottles of contraband Romulan Ale, so I guess a bottle opener is a fair representation. “All aboard the USS Booze-a-prise! Drinking frequencies open, barkeep!”
p. 406 – Star Trek The Original Series – Spock Ears:
There’s something surprisingly nostalgic about how entirely non-convincing these are. Calling them “prop replica(s),” as the solicit does, seems to be pushing the definition a bit.
p. 407 – Star Trek Tiberius Cologne for Men:
Cologne named after Kirk? That may be too much for any one man to live up to. I think if I were to open a bottle of this, the scent would grab a ceiling fixture and swing both feet directly into my chest.
p. 407 – Star Trek Red Shirt Cologne for Men:
I was all ready to make a crack about “for the man who’s about to die on the job,” but the box for the cologne itself reads “because tomorrow may never come.” Well played, sirs.
p. 412 – Star Trek Scrabble:
Get ready for arguments over whether “K’plah” or “Qapla'” is the accepted spelling.
p. 418 – Monopoly 1935 Deluxe 1st Edition:
Released just in time for another Depression! Now that’s good nostalgic marketing…oh, wait.
