Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

§ January 29th, 2009 § Filed under End of Civilization Comments Off on Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

Hey, man, I was ending civilization before it was cool. Now I look at the headlines in one of the few newspapers that are left, and it looks like everyone’s getting in on my action. Ah, well. The more the merrier, I suppose. Fiddle along with me as we see a little bit of Rome burn away within the February 2009 edition of Diamond Previews:

p. 196 – Cerebus Archive #1:

Now, don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed Cerebus. I plan on buying this new series featuring early work by Dave Sim, background material on the creation of Cerebus, etc. But the zombie cover variant? After doing a handful of them for his other project Glamourpuss, I think we’ve got the joke by now. The $15 retail price joke.

But the worst part? The zombie variant for this series looks awesome. Dangit.

p. 344 – The Desktop Heads of Easter Island:

Apparently these were made by very tiny alien beings.

p. 372 – Indiana Jones Sallah Mighty Muggs figure:

Now let us picture John Rhys-Davies in a skin-tight white suit, as demonstrated here.

p. 382 – Terminator 2 Series 1 Minimate Assortment:

Totally gets points for including the explody “liquid metal” version of the T-1000.

p. 387 – Star Trek Movie Electronic Communicator:

So this is what they’re going to look like in that new, revamped Star Trek movie, hm? Sort of an interesting design dilemma, trying to evoke the look of the original TV series, while simultaneously trying to appear more futuristic than our modern day, ubiquitous cellphones, which themselves are at least in part inspired by the original show while also being far more advanced in many ways than what those old props were supposed to represent.

However, this communicator toy has it all over cellphones, what with the included lenticular Kirk/Spock sticker inside. ADVANTAGE: ELECTRONIC COMMUNICATOR.

p. 393 – Giger’s Alien 1:1 Lifesize Statue:

Sweet dear holy God in heaven. It’s almost eight feet tall, it’s bottom-lit through the “floor grid” base, and you can move the arms so that they’re sticking out in from of the Alien, like he’s grabbing for you. Good for keeping around the house if you want to occasionally scare the living bejeebers out of yourself.

Also, out of curiosity, I checked the retailer order details on this item…the net cost on this is several thousand dollars, and apparently it would be delivered to us in five large boxes. Some assembly required, my friends.

p. 398 – (Offered again) Lord of the Rings Balrog Monument:

As first featured in this post, the $2000 four foot wide limited Balrog has been relisted for more orders in this month’s Previews. Oddly enough, it didn’t sell out the first time.

p. 400 – Kurse Mini-bust:

Mixed feelings: “a Kurse bust…really?” versus “oh man, a Walt Simonson-era Thor character statue!”

BONUS: Statue is also a Secret Wars II tie-in.

p. 404 – Back to the Future Marty McFly Hat Replica:

I thought for sure this was some kind of Hypercolor-esque thing, but apparently it’s just “ultra-refractive fabrics” that make up the hat.

Really, when was the last time you thought about Hypercolor? (I couldn’t even remember the name, until Kid Chris reminded me.)

p. 408 – Star Wars Obi-Wan Kenobi Bronze Bust:

Only $1,500. Probably would have immensely irritated Sir Alec.

p. 416 – Broken Heart Doll Plushies:

“Aarrchie was the sickest bass player around, but all he got was a lousy photo op with Green Day’s Billie Joe and one free drink ticket.”

“Wolfgang thought he hit the jackpot with the ladies with the screen name ‘just10timbrl8k,’ but things always took a rapid dive when finally showed them his picture.”

Emo pillows with backstories. Well, sure, why not.

p. 438-9 – Joker masks:

I can’t decide which is most terrifying…the Joker masks based on the recent Dark Knight movie:

…or this classic look Joker:

Any of these would be perfect for your social gathering or church event.

p. 444 – Star Wars Trooper Fine Art Print:

Today’s winning entry in the “Self-Canceling Phrase” contest is….

p. 445 – Watchmen Rorschach Beanie Mask:

Well, surely this is going to bite into the sales of all those homemade Rorschach masks on the eBay.

p. 446 – Watchmen Rorschach Desk Blotter:

A desk blotter with “ink” splashed upon it to resemble Rorschach’s mask, with the Rorschach logo. $29.99. I don’t have a joke for this, or even a smart alecky comment. I’m just puzzled, mostly.

p. 447 – Watchmen Rorschach Pennant:

“Rah rah! Chop that dog! Go team Rorschach!”

There are four pages of Watchmen merchandise in this catalog. They’re just seriously slapping Watchmen characters onto anything that’ll take an image.

Marvel Previews p. 7 – X-Men Legacy #223 70th Anniversary Cover:

Why is Marvel Girl throwing gang signs at me?

Marvel Previews p. 79 – Marvel Minimates Series 28 – Wolverine Movie Assortment:

Hey, I had no idea Marlon Brando was in this movie. I’m totally seeing it now.

Marvel Previews p. 94 – Spider-Man Torment Premiere HC:

At last, a deluxe collection of what may possibly be the most common Spider-Man comics ever published. Good, I was worried there weren’t enough copies of this story already in existence.

Tip o’the toupee to pal Sean for the Brando joke.

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