§ November 20th, 2008 § Filed under Uncategorized Comments Off on THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN.

A jubilant Swamp Thing celebrates his victory.

The results are in from yesterday’s election, and, by a ratio of approximately 2 to 1, Swamp Thing, 36, of Louisiana, has beaten out Sluggo Smith, 8, of the Wrong Side of the Tracks.

Voters cited Mr. Thing’s stance on the environment as one of the deciding factors in this election. Strangely, past scandals in Mr. Thing’s life seemed to have little negative impact, such as the revelation in 1986 of swampside dalliances with social worker Abigail Arcane, and Mr. Thing’s subsequent attack on Gotham City following Ms. Arcane’s arrest.

However, Mr. Thing’s ample media exposure, for these events and others, both positive and negative, seemed to work in his favor. Mr. Smith’s media presence in recent years has been much less, leading to lower voter recognition in comparison to Mr. Thing. Also, some noted Mr. Smith’s lack of international recognition, perhaps indicating a weakness in foreign policy. Other concerns included Mr. Smith’s lack of a stable economic policy, resulting in repeated financial shortfalls in his immediate area of influence. Mr. Thing had no stated economic policy, but in this case it appears “no news is good news,” as the voters apparently preferred a lack of policy to a bad one. While Mr. Smith did have a strong recycling policy, Mr. Thing’s more wide-ranging general environmental scope of his platform was seen as vastly preferable.

Swamp Thing taking 2/3rds of the vote may be interpreted as a clear mandate from the people, but one must not discount the strong social influence Sluggo Smith wields. Though not taking the election, Mr. Smith still holds sway over his legions of followers, who contemplate his every move and find themselves entranced by his philosophy of unburdened living. Mr. Thing will need to take this “Sluggo Effect” into account over the course of his term…a term that will almost certainly be closely scrutinized by both sides of this election.

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