Happy New End of Civilization!

§ December 31st, 2007 § Filed under Uncategorized Comments Off on Happy New End of Civilization!

It’s time for the last End of Civilization for 2007, internet pals, and I apologize for the delay. Bust out your copy of the Diamond Previews catalog, January 2008 edition, and follow along, why don’t you. (Links to previous installments in the sidebar, somewhere.)

p. 60 – Domo stuff:

So, how many people will I irritate by saying you can put this on your “overplayed internet fad shelf” along with your Chuck Norris book?

Yes, I know it’s a character in some cartoon or other. Hey, it’s the End of Civilization…I’m under no obligation to be reasonable.

p. 133 – The Joker 1:6 Scale Deluxe Collector Figure:

Couldn’t care less about the figure, but dude:


p. 235 – Lady Death 2007 Swimsuit Special Canvas Cover:

Only 150 copies, at $100 a pop. “Image printed on an actual canvas to fully capture the beautiful work of this master craftsman!” I don’t know what I can add to that.

p. 261 – Army of Darkness/Xena: Why Not? #1:

It’s a refreshing bit of honesty in that title, there.

p. 305 – Ghost Whisperer: The Haunted #1:

Here’s my joke for the folks who’ve been in the business for a decade or two: boy, it’s too bad Innovation’s out of business…this comic would have been perfect for them.

Also, making the Jennifer Love Hewitt photo cover the “rare” variant? Do you not want people to pick this up off the shelf? Don’t underestimate the buying power of the horny fanboy, my friend.

p. 402 – Stonehenge: Build Your Own Ancient Wonder:

You know, with just the slightest bit of repackaging…you’ve got Spinal Tap merchandise.

p. 438 – Battlestar Galactica Classic Heroes Colonial Warriors Minimates Set:

Does Muffit the robot Daggit really count as a “warrior?” I suppose he bit a Cylon or two in his time, I guess.

Which reminds me…did I ever tell you about the kid, back when I was in grade school, who insisted everyone call him “Boxey” after Muffit’s owner? (And yes, this was while BG was still on the air.) (And no, it wasn’t me.) (IT WASN’T.)

p. 438 – Battlestar Galactica Classic Villains Cylon Emperor Minimates Set:

I remember as a young’un watching BG and trying to get a good look at the Cylon’s “Imperious Leader,” always presented at the top of a tall pedestal and shrouded in shadow. There’s a photo of him on the Wikipedia page (hey, Swamp Thing star Dick Durock was in the costume…I didn’t know that!). The original toy gave you a good look at the fella, which was a tad disappointing. The Minimate version isn’t much better, but I do like the James Brown hair.

Also, the same full page ad for these Minimates appears on pages 410 and 439. Oops.

p. 460 Iron Man Classic Helmet Silver 1/1 Scale Prop Replica (& Classic Helmet Gold):

Features “comfortable black padded lining” — that means they’re wearable, friends! For only $349 (Silver) or $399 (Gold), you could be the coolest guy at Wizard World!

p. 460 – X-Men II Visor of Cyclops 1/1-Scale Prop Replica:

Putting out a pricy prop replica tying into a movie that’s several years old, and has since had a newer installment in the series? Featuring the character from the film nobody likes? Hoo boy.

p. 476 – Frank Kozik’s 8-Inch Murder Bomb Figure:

“And the award for ‘Most Tasteful Figure of 2008’ goes to….”

p. 478 – Ron English’s Cathy Cowgirl 10-Inch Vinyl Figure:




p. 494 – Doctor Who Dalek Sec Voice Changer Helmet:

Is it just me, or has Doctor Who had an awful lot of these voice changer helmets? And would even a Doctor Who fan want to wear this one? The Cyberman one, maybe. The human/Dalek hybrid…I’m not so sure.

p. 498 – Hanadeka Club by Yoneo Morita Plush Puppies:


p. 499 – Satsuriko No Jango Franco Il Nero PVC Fig:

This is your token “cutsey Japanese cartoon gal posing awkwardly and presenting her crotch to you” item for this installment of the End of Civilization. Please, enjoy.

p. 505 – Now what is it about these items that the Mr. T in Van Bobble-Head amuses me:

…whereas the Star Wars Luke Skywalker X-Wing Bobble-Head terrifies me:

p. 508 – Superman Giant Buddy:

“Why did you dismember me, your Super Buddy? Why? Why?

p. 508 – Supergirl Incense:

“After a particularly tough tussle, even Supergirl needs to clear her head by burning incense, and this cinnamon and rose scented incense is exactly what the Maid of Steel needs!”

And then you can use your official Supergirl rolled up wet towel to block the gap under your bedroom door to keep all that scent in your room.

p. 509 -Captain America Business Card Holder:

I was going to make a crack about “how to make sure no one takes your business seriously,” but then I remembered that the business cards in our shop are being held in a little ceramic toilet, so I don’t exactly have the moral high ground, here.

p. 511 – Rambo Signature Edition Knives:

I’ve only got the First Blood knife pictured here. First Blood II and Rambo III knives are also available. Each features the signature of John Rambo…a fictional character.

If you want to learn more about Rambo’s knives, and why wouldn’t you, here’s a site all about them.

p. 511 – Simpsons Dancing “Macho Man” Homer:

If you have a figure like this featuring implied nudity, the first thing anyone browsing the shelves who spots the figure will do is look under the towel, skirt, etc., to look for naughty bits. As if they’d manufacture a Homer Simpson doll with a little dancing Homer between his legs.

‘Course, I’m not innocent in this sort of thing, either.

p. 542 – Zombie Strippers DVD:

That there’s even something called Zombie Strippers is notable enough. But the solicitiation includes this bit of info:

“NOTE: This movie has not been released on DVD. Future availability is not guaranteed.”

A couple other movies have this same qualifier. Is Sony Pictures Home Entertainment not sure these movies will ever be ready to go? I’m sure there’s a rational explanation for this, but taken at face value…okay, most new DVDs were ordered when they had not yet been released on DVD. That’s called “preordering.” And that’s also what makes them NEW DVDs. And telling us we may not get something we’re ordering? Okay, that’s nothing new for some of the specialty items purchased through Previews, but honestly.

p. 542 – Woodchipper Massacre DVD:

And let us wrap up this month’s End of Civilization with a palate-cleansing classic piece of cinema. “How much flesh would a Woodchipper chip, if a Woodchipper could chip flesh?” Let that thought guide you into the new year, my friends.

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