THE GREATEST ADVANCE IN THE WORLD OF COMIC BOOK COLLECTING SINCE THE INVENTION OF BOB OVERSTREET!
Well, hello fellow collectors! Are you tired of the same old skinny backing boards for your valuable comics? Tired of trusting the delicate spines of your most precious four-color possessions to an all-too-thin piece of cardboard, where far too often even the grain of the board is wrong, making your supposed comic protector floppy and useless?
Worry no longer, effendi! For today I bring you the MONDO-THICKARAMA BACKER 3000!
That’s nearly TWO FEET of solid protection, friend! Say, for example, you have a copy of the hot, new premiere issue of Penance: Relentless…which, of course is going to go up in value, as Penance is certainly going to stand the test of time, becoming one of Marvel’s most important mainstays, along with the Fantastic Four, Spider-Man, Sleepwalker, and the Hulk.
You could trust this important piece of history to your standard, average, everyday backing board…the kind used by lesser, more ill-informed comic fans who like weird comics that aren’t even in color. But not you…you, a real collector with real manly collecting needs. You can only trust Penance: Relentless to the MONDO-THICKARAMA BACKER 3000! Like so:
The MONDO-THICKARAMA BACKER 3000 is made from only the finest wooden leavings from the most exclusive toothpick factories, carefully coated with mostly non-carcinogenic chemicals designed to reduce paper decay, and mixed with kitten bones and baby seal teeth for that extra touch of rigidity that you, the discerning collector, demand! Combined with our patented Invest-O-Flex technology, which absorbs even the strongest impact, your most valuable comics will be protected for the ages!
So don’t wait! Order the MONDO-THICKARAMA BACKER 3000 today! For only $29.95 per unit, you can give your collection the heavy-duty security it deser….
Wait, hold on just a minute! I just received a message from the boys in the MONDO-THICKARAMA BACKER 3000 labs! And they’re telling me…no, no! I can’t believe it! Can the collecting world be this lucky?
The MONDO-THICKARAMA BACKER 3000 is now the MONDO-THICKARAMA BACKER 3000-PLUS! Now even thicker than before!
Just look, look at all the extra protection afforded to this greatly-investable comic book:
Great Googly Moogly, all the gods of all the religions in the world, current and defunct, couldn’t protect this comic any better than the MONDO-THICKARAMA BACKER 3000-PLUS! In fact, tear up your holy books! Knock down your churches! Worship at the altar of the MONDO-THICKARAMA BACKER 3000-PLUS, for the universe will bring forth nothing greater!
And get rid of all your MONDO-THICKARAMA BACKER 3000s you’ve already bought, because you might as well be storing your comics in a flaming barbecue pit if you foolishly use anything less than the MONDO-THICKARAMA BACKER 3000-PLUS!
So order TODAY! Right now! Buy it now, damn your eyes!
Send $34.95 plus $29.95 shipping/handling (per unit) to
MONDO-THICKARAMA POLLUTANT REPURPOSING & DAYCARE CENTER
CENTREVILLE, VA
