Have yourself a merry little End of Civilization.
Yup, it’s that time yet again, as I poke though the latest issue of the Diamond Previews catalog (in this case, the January ’07 edition) and show you Items of Note for your amusement and edification. Whip open your own copies and follow along….
(Previous installments of “The End of Civilization” may be found in the sidebar.)
p. 192 – Marvel Universe Civil War Captain America Bust:
So this statue and the New Avengers Spider-Man bust (discussed previously) are in a race to see who reaches obsolescence first. Well, I suppose you could putty and paint over the engraved “Civil War” lettering on the statue once the series is long forgotten, and voilà, you’ll be left with a swank “Captain America ‘Exploding Crotch'” statue.
p. 288 – Transformers Movie Prequel #2:
Alas, it appears important secrets are revealed on the cover of this issue, as this is all you get in Previews:
Hmmm…I’m guessing it’s going to be a picture of a giant robot or two that I don’t recognize since I don’t know a darned thing about the Transformers. Boy, am I so not the target audience for this.
p. 392 – Galactus Vintage Distressed Shirt:
On the other hand, I am the target audience for this:
Make fun of me if you must, but I think I need this shirt. We’re all nerds about something.
p. 397 – Naruto Sleeping Cap:
I’ve been trying to think of something to say about this item, and all I can come up with is “Santa’s angry possessed hat wants to have some words with you.” Yeah, I know, but that’s all I got.
p. 407 – Mothra Larvae Plush:
It’s the most huggable, lovable grub ever!
p. 418 – Archie Modern Jughead Bust:
Well, as you may have seen on the internet here and there, the “Modern” tag may no longer apply to this statue.
p. 422 – Guitar Heroes Marshall Amp Statue:
“The 9” scale Marshall Full-Stack Amp sculptures are officially licensed with Marshall Amplification, LLC. The Marshall Full-Stack Amp (JCM 800 Series) is a limited edition, hand-numbered, and hand-painted sculpture. The figure will be cast in a poly-resin and hand-painted in fine detail. Each sculpture in the Guitar Hero series is hand-numbered and displayed on an attractive wooden base.
Okay, I know these are designed to go along with the rock musician statues from the same manufacturer, but it’s still a STATUE OF A STACK OF AMPS.
p. 431 – Mahoromatic Mahoro-San & Sportsbike Multi-Material Statue:
Now, there are a few pages devoted to Kotobukiya’s statue output, with lots of exposed bras, short skirts, bikinis, schoolgirls, and so on…but this one has to be the best:
It’s a maid…strike that, an android maid with a gun on a motorcycle. I don’t know why, or how, and I’m not lookin’ for an explanation…just let me enjoy it for what it is: fantastic.
p. 451 – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Giant Pez:
“Let Leonardo and Michelangelo fill your mouth cavity with some tempting Pez candy!”
p. 455 – Eragon: Sword of Brom Official Replica:
“Hey, what’s this sword from?”
“It’s a replica of a sword from that one fantasy film…um, the one with the dragons….”
“Lord of the Rings?”
“Um, no, that’s not it….”
“Reign of Fire?”
“No….”
“Dragonslayer?”
“No, I don’t think so….”
“Lord of the Rings?”
“I already said ‘no.'”
“Willow?”
“Uh, maybe….”
“Chronicles of Narnia?”
“I don’t think there were any dragons in that movie….”
p. 456 – Voodoo Babies:
Baby Satan is amusing:
But I think I would have thought twice about using the name they chose for this one:
p. 476 – The Dork of the Rings DVD:
“…This 100-minute irreverent epic parody will keep you in stitches as you watch the throbbit Frudo Buggins, Arogant the Wrangler, Gladwrapriel, Randolf the Wizard, Gimpi the Dweeb, Legoblocks the Elfis and many more buffoons as they journey through Muddle-earth.”
Hell is something like this.
