Let’s all be thankful for…the End of Civilization.

§ November 23rd, 2006 § Filed under Uncategorized Comments Off on Let’s all be thankful for…the End of Civilization.

So, happy Thanksgiving to my fellow Americans, happy Thursday to everyone else, and let’s dig right into a tasty plateful of fine products as seen in the new Diamond Previews catalog (Dec. 2006). (If you want to see previous installments of “The End of Civilization,” I finally put the links in the sidebar, instead of dumping them in this post.)

p. 52 – Hot Stuff merchandise:

Hot Stuff, once a popular Harvey Comics character, now primarily exists only as tchotchkes and gewgaws. I wonder how many years away we are from, say, Spider-Man and Batman existing only as merchandise, their comic book origins long forgotten? (They’re pretty close to it as it is, frankly.)

p. 71 – All-New Atom #8:

No pic, because I want you to go to pal Dorian’s post on the matter (about halfway down the page). Basically, unless there’s some minor editing or careful placement of cover blurbs, we’re getting a penis (or, at least, a cross-section of same) on a DC comic cover.

p. 124-125 – DC Minimates:

Green Arrow makes out okay:

Power Girl…mmmm, not so much:

And Blue Beetle’s little plastic bubble eyes disturb me:

p. 127 – Women of the DC Universe Big Barda Bust:

The mature adult Mikester thought about passing on yet another obvious joke, but the 12-year-old Mikester can’t help but snicker at “‘Big Barda Bust,’ tee hee.” So there it is, for the rest of you 12-year-olds out there.

p. 272 – Superman “Lucky 21” Starter Set:

“This collection contains a random selection of signed and unsigned comic books, plus two (2) randomly chosen signed DC Comics! For the full-time collector – or for anyone who wants to dive right in and immerse themselves in the world of comic books – this collection is for you!”

“Here are a bunch of overstock comics we got stuck with, and the only way we can get rid of them is by blowing them out in ‘mystery packs,’ because if you knew what you were actually getting, there’s no way you’d drop twenty bones on it.”

p. 398 – Punisher “Eroded Pride” T-Shirt:

“Eroded Pride?”

p. 410 – Gwar Action Figures:

If these figures don’t spit out blood and, um, other bodily fluids, as Gwar themselves have been known to do during their calm and demure live shows, then I’m going to be terribly disappointed.

p. 410 – H.P. Lovecraft’s Series 1 Previews Exclusive Black Cthulhu Action Figures:

“Who’s the black Great Old One
That’s a death machine to all the chicks?
(Black Cthulhu!)
You’re damned right….”

p. 422 – Tonner Harry Potter Collector Dolls:

“…All dolls have hand-painted face details (including Harry’s scar) and wear a white shirt and tie underneath a custom knit sweater with flannel pants, all under the school robe with school crest decal. They also each come with a wand, socks, shoes, and custom stand.”

For some reason, Harry Potter dolls with (presumably) removable clothes make me nervous.

p. 436 – Star Trek The Original Series – “City on the Edge of Forever” 40th Anniversary Statue:

And now, the Greatest Star Trek Statue Ever:

If that photo of Kirk, Spock, and McCoy is removable, this could double as a Guardian of Forever photo frame. For extra nerdy Trek fun, replace that photo with one of Harlan Ellison.

p. 439 – Witchblade Anime “Masane Amaha” PVC Statue:

“Masane Amaha is the lead character (and blade-wielder) of Witchblade, an anime series based on the famous American comics series. Instead of a straight adaptation of the original series, the Japanese producers decided to create an entirely new scenario, with all new characters and situations.”

Hmmm…I can’t say that it’s entirely new:

Seems like it has pretty much the same raison d’etre to me.

p. 458 – Betty Boop T-Shirt w/Bobble Head Set:

Looks like they finally found a way to move all those shelf-warming bobble heads…in case you can’t read the package, it’s the shirt that’s being sold, with the bobble head as a “free” bonus. (There’s a Family Guy set like this later in the catalogue.)

p. 462 – Marvel Heroes & Villains Jumbo Plushes:

I was going to make a comment about the cute, plushy mass-murdering Venom doll, but then I read the solicitation info:

“If you like to do things big, then that includes your assemble [sic] of friends. You don’t let in just anybody to your private party. He or she that enters the room has a VIP pass. Only the big boys and girls are allowed through the gate, and that includes these big Marvel heroes!”

That’s a rich fantasy life going on there.

p. 466 – 300 Prop Replicas:

Pictured: the Spartan Helmet. Also pictured: one happy guy modeling the helmet.

p. 472 – Almighty Heroes Pre-school Action Figures:

“This first assortment of Almighty Heroes pre-school action figures features a quartet of the Bible’s greatest heroes – David, Moses, Noah and Samson – all redesigned to look like modern action heroes!”

You know, I don’t think I really pictured Noah looking like that. Moses, yes, but not Noah.

Marvel Previews, p. 21 (among others) – Black Panther #25:

Okay, I can understand not wanting to spoil secret details for forthcoming storylines, and I suppose with the info we’re given (creative teams, the cover) and the info we already have (our cycle sheets with past sales performance), we can still plan our orders accordingly. But, still, this is just a tad annoying.

Marvel Previews, p. 36 – Immortal Iron Fist #1 Director’s Cut:

Hey, nice of Marvel to announce this item ahead of the release of the regular edition of Immortal Iron Fist. Now all you folks know you can pass on the regular edition when it comes out, and save your money for the Director’s Cut with the extra material. Thanks, Marvel!

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