Dueling MySpace Wolverines.

§ September 6th, 2006 § Filed under Uncategorized Comments Off on Dueling MySpace Wolverines.

“The Wolverine” is a swinging Capricorn, standing 5′ 3″ (prompting one commenter to lament “How is Wolverine only 5″3? That just ruins all of my sex fantasies of him”). He’d like to meet “anybody who loves Wolverine.”

This Wolverine‘s general interests include “tearin apart that bub sabertooth.” What kind of music does he like? “I dont get much time for music.” How ’bout TV? “TV is for the weak.” As for whom he’d like to meet: “Jean Grey.” Aren’t you on the same team as her?

This Wolverine has lots of scantily-clad lady friends. Why, hello there, Somaya Reece.

“Logan_wolverine” has as his general interests “eating meat, drinking, smoking, riding harleys, wearing leather jackets, saying ‘bub,’ going into berserker rages.” His personal heroes? “i AM a hero. but johnny cash, clint eastwood, and glenn danzig are all pretty badass guys.” Fair enough. He’d also like to meet “the people in charge of the weapon X program, to tear them several new assholes each,” and who could blame him?

This Wolverine is interested in “intercontinetal communication.” And porn. He’s friends with Quicksilver (who seems to have an ongoing thing with the Flash in his comments section, there).

This Wolverine earns between $150,000 to $250,000 a year. Being an X-Man is a good gig, apparently, unless he’s pulling that down from his Avengers job. His interest is solely “killing,” while his favorite TV show is “CSI.” And he likes ’80s music.

Here’s a Wolverine who feels quite strongly about the events in the Civil War crossover: “”Sign the Registration? Over my dead body… the Government is F***ed!” His profile includes a looooong personal history, and he’d also like to meet Jean Grey. Is “meet” some kind of euphemism?

This Wolverine is a Korn fan, judging by the embedded music video that automatically starts playing. He’s also a little unclear on the concept of “non-text obscuring background image.” Let him tell you a little bit about himself:

“i dont remember much i am what they would call a romer or a nomad all i know is that i have these claws made from a metal called antamantium its harder than any other metal and can not be broke i also heal at a rate the is 50xs faster than a human i have a verry big chip on my sholder keep it there and your in a good day but knock it off and its to the hospital for you”

This Wolverine is an anime fan, apparently, as he belongs to the Love Hina and Vegeta’s Throne Myspace groups. His bio, which relates his long life and struggles to learn more about his past, concludes “Now is a new day and I am taking it one step at a time. I still long to learn the truth of my past, maybe this Myspace can finally help me.” I hope so, too, Wolvie.

This Wolverine‘s headline is “oh, no, I broke a nail.” Well, I thought it was funny.

Here’s a Wolverine that laughs, laughs at you weaklings and your “paragraphs.” Lots of big ol’ images of the Hugh Jackman Wolvie from the movies, though.

I have a hard time believing that one of Wolverine‘s favorite movies is From Justin to Kelly. I mean, c’mon. His hometown? “I live whereever I breath.” Well said. He’d like to meet “that guy who played me in the xmen movies….cuz he sucked and i want to beat him up.”


The “about me” for this Wolverine is sorta funny in its “look how badass I am!” forced crudity…if you can read it over that background, that is. And looking at his friends…there sure are a lot of superheroes on Myspace, aren’t there?

Ah, another Myspace designed by the blind. He’d like to meet fellow X-Men…yeah, that’s stretching your boundaries.

Wolverine wants you to know “just because I rock doesnt mean I am made of stone.” He also says “I am really an uptight guy and can sometimes come off as an asshole. […] I am in love with a great girl, her name is Jean Grey, but she doesnt realize how much she loves me yet because of faggot cyclops.” Gee, why would anyone think you’re an asshole?

EXTREME WOLVERINE‘s bio includes stuff from that Earth-X mini-series. You’re mixing continuities! DON’T CROSS THE STREAMS! His occupation? “Just call me the guy that saves you.”

This Wolverine‘s interests include “fighting, slashing, stabing, anything that involves me hurting someone! I also injoy taking scotts bike and wasting the gas in it! Oh the best part is stealing the x-jet and finding the best way to crash it! Rogue will fix it!”

The loneliest Wolverine of them all. Only one friend, and it’s Myspace founder Tom. Poor guy.

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