Internet message boards make Superman cry.

§ March 10th, 2006 § Filed under Uncategorized Comments Off on Internet message boards make Superman cry.

Oh, dear:

“If superman was a black ghetto person”

“If superman was born in the hood instead of smallville, into a more outgoing, less geeky type of person do you guys think the story would be more exciteing.”


“no it wouldnt…stupid thread…ur being stereotypical here..”

“Mummra beat Superman with one hit!!”

“I just read the superman/Thundercats crossover and I couldn’t believe that mummra decked superman with just one hit!! Damn!! I had no clue Mummra was that powerful”

“Mummra = Uber powerful magic

Supes vulnerabilities: Kryptonite and Magic”

“Whats the problem by being beat by Mum-Ra? Pre Crisis Superman went down after one shot from Skeletor. The only reason why Lion-O even beats him its because his sword.”

“WTF!?? Skeletor beat pre Crisis Superman!!! Damn, Skeletor’s pretty damn awsome. I’d love to see Mumm-ra fight Skeletor.”

“supes deserves that i hate em and mumra beat him with one blow yippieeee”

“DUH!!!!! Superman isn’t exactly that strong and he can’t fight. No wonder he went down with one hit…..”

“Superman isn’t exactly that strong, hu? Your being too emotional about the whole thing, talk to me when your panties dry up.”

“Can Superman & Lois have a kid (you need to read this)”

“This” would be referring to the famous Larry Niven essay “Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex,” postulating just what would be entailed in Superman getting it on.

Reactions are as follows:

“Can Superman and Lois have a baby? Scientifically, no. But scientifically speaking, Superman shouldn’t exist at all, so who knows?”

“Okay well I do know that Superman is far to advanced to get a norman human woman pregnant that is why in some comics WonderWoman is usually pregnant with Supermans baby.”

“yeah I remember hearing that back sometime by a friend of mine who always read superman and batman comics,that that was why he could not have sex with someone like Lana or Lois Lane. […] he convinced me Im better off not being him because i cant imiagine not being able to have sex with a girl,thats a thought I dont even want to think about.”

Someone brings up post-Crisis continuity:

“Clark got his powers growing up. When the Kent’s found him as a baby he had no powers. He only started to get them when he reached eight or ten. Thus the baby will have no powers until he reaches a certain age and even then its not certain since he is half human.”

…Which is then countered by Superman: The Movie continuity:

“Didn’t Clark lift Jonathan’s truck up in the air in as a toddler, while smiling?”

And then there’s the Grant Morrison continuity, from DC One Million…um, more or less, I guess:

“according to superman prime idea he busts down gates of heaven or some chit after sleeping in sun for millenia and makes lois immortal like him once he makes her like him then they can have kids….yea… end of line”

And then it gets slightly disturbing:

“Or how could a kyptonian alien fall for a human. Would that be even possible? I mean, maybe, physiologically speaking, she doesn’t have the female kryptonian mannerisms that Kryptonian men may need in order to court a female of the same race. I’m sure they go by different rules genetically.”

And then it…well, read on:

“Maybe he cant even get an ereectioon from an earthling woman… maybe Kryptonian women have a similar manner to Earth men… he only gets turned on by men!”

“Are you emplying that a man who wears tights and underwear outside his uniform could possible be gay???”

“If the writer puts down Clark Kent is a gay whore and then kills him off against a dum ass thug, then Clark Kent is a gay whore who got killed off against a dum ass thug! LOL”

And then someone steps in to set these suckas straight:

“Why is everybody so caught up with this stupid, if superman has sex his sperm will destroy the world idea. whoever made tat up is just ****ing retarded or is high on crack. Goku(DBZ) has had 2 sons so far and chichi is just fine, and any saiyan could rip superman in half, so quit making a big deal about what some geek said.”

Yeah, so take that, geeks.

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