§ November 24th, 2005 § Filed under End of Civilization Comments Off on Be thankful for…THE END OF CIVILIZATION.

Wait a minute…the new issue of Girls doesn’t have a naked lady on the cover! How do they expect to sell any copies?

Anyway, a new edition of Diamond Previews means, yes, once again, a new installment of PROGRESSIVE RUIN PRESENTS…THE END OF CIVILIZATION (previous installments 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9).

Whip out your copies and celebrate your Thanksgiving (where applicable) by looking at bizarre and peculiar merchandise due out in your local hobby shops in February ’06. It’s what the Pilgrims would have wanted.

p. 26 – Aliens Predator Panel to Panel – There’s some kind of irony, I think, in that Dark Horse is publishing a book showcasing, in part, artwork from the Aliens Vs. Predator comics that they haven’t had in print since before the Aliens Vs. Predator movie.

p. 164 – From McFarlane Toys, a three-dimensional representation of the Led Zeppelin 1 Album Cover. Lemme know when McFarlane gets around to a 3D version of this cover.

p. 186 – I’ve been wanting a Galactus Mini-Mate figure for quite a while now…well, it’s here, it’s eight inches tall, it’s resin, it’s non-posable, and it’s $85. Okay, now I’m wanting an affordable Galactus Mini-Mate figure. One where I can at least move the arms…and maybe take off the helmet to reveal Galen’s face. Let the boy have his dreams.

p. 229 – Friday the 13th: Jason Vs. Jason X #1 – The comic pal Corey and I should have written, with the good Captain taking the old, tired Jason pages, and yours truly taking the pages featuring the vastly improved, and much tougher, Jason X…of the future.

p. 245 – Painkiller Jane returns with a new #1, and will probably end shortly thereafter, as soon as the forthcoming lousy made-for-Sci-Fi Channel movie is inflicted upon an unsuspecting public.

p. 283 – Transformers: Infiltration: “Ask your retialer [sic] how to get the rare Guido Guidi ‘Starscream’ cover.” – No, please don’t. I haven’t checked yet, but it probably involves ordering far more copies of the other covers for our shelves than this dying property deserves.

p. 286 Spike Vs. Dracula #1 – “You know, I bet mention is made of Spike’s claim that Dracula owes him money.” (reads soliciation) “Yup, there it is.”

p. 400 – Oh, for God’s sake, more Lord of the Rings trading cards? Give it a rest, already.

p. 404 – Casino Askew Poker Deck #1 – Hold ‘Em McNeil – Featuring color photos and equally colorful dialogue from the film Chasing Amy on the faces of the cards.

p. 422 – Aliens Deluxe Pewter Chess Sets, with the Aliens versus the Colonial Marines. The Queens are the Queen Alien (natch) and Ripley in the Power Loader. Available in two editions: painted, and plain ol’ unpainted pewter.

p. 422 – Big Screen Bears Series 1:

“Introducing the Big Screen Bears – plush teddy bears patterned after your favorite cult movies characters. Series One is scheduled to include: Pinhead (from Hellraiser), The Bride (from Kill Bill), Jay and Silent Bob (from Clerks), and Jules and Vincent (from Pulp Fiction). Each bear stands approximately 10 inches tall.”

Okay, I started typing that thinking this is a ridiculous idea, but by the time I finished, I realized that there’s nothing I want more than a Pinhead Bear.

p. 425 – Big Bird Deluxe Action Figure! Complete with pal Little Bird! Fantastic.

p. 425 – Labyrinth Goblin King Jareth 12″ Action Figure – Little known fact: money was saved on the Labyrinth film by having David Bowie just wear his own clothes for the shoot.

p. 430 – Transformers: Optimus Prime Head Replica. …There’s not really anything I can add to that.

p. 435 – It wouldn’t be a Previews with some outrageously-priced Buffy the Vampire Slayer prop replica. This time it’s the Vampyr Book Replica, with a “worn leather look” (i.e. probably not actual leather) that “opens to reveal an attractive, velveteen-lined hidden space.” 12 inches by 14 inches by 5 1/2 inches deep…only $129.99.

p. 460 – Monty Python Black Knight Talking Bop Bag – I have yet to be disappointed by any item from Monty Python’s current merchandising onslaught. A Black Knight bop bag is genius.

p. 462 – Cthulhu Novelty Hat:

“The perfect head covering for those cold winter days, costume parties, an evening get-together of Cthulhu’s minions, and the prevention of anything even resembling sex.”

Okay, I may have added that last part.

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