Progressive Ruin Again Presents…The End of Civilization.

§ May 27th, 2005 § Filed under Uncategorized Comments Off on Progressive Ruin Again Presents…The End of Civilization.

Time to swing through the latest Diamond Previews ordering tome and document the horrors within…grab your copy and follow along! (Enjoy some previous installments, if you dare.)

From the June ’05 edition:

p. 422 – Okay, the Garfield PVC figure is about 3 1/2 inches tall, and it’s $7.99. That’s more or less reasonable. The Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam PVC figures on the very same page are much larger (about 8 to 10 inches), granted, but they’re $75.99 each! Dear God, why? Are they imports?

Also on page 422 – Invader Zim “Set of Doom” mini-figurines. Probably could have used these a couple of years ago, back when people were actually looking for Invader Zim merchandise.

p.442 – Robocop 18-inch talking figure. …Well, okay, I’ll let this one pass. C’mon, like I’m going to say something bad about Robocop.

p. 444 – Star Wars M-Pire M&M Plushies. Six inch tall plushie dolls based on the talking M&M mascots, dressed up as characters from the Star Wars saga. You haven’t lived ’til you’ve seen an M&M done up as Chewbacca. ($9.25 each.)

Also on page 444 – Tim The Enchanter Chibi Plush. I think I liked it better when Monty Python didn’t license out their characters for merchandise. I can’t quite wrap my head around a super-deformed Holy Grail character that talks when it’s squeezed.

p. 460 – Star Wars Darth Sidious Lightsaber Replicas. You can get a mini-replica (based on “laser scans” of the original prop) for $35.00, or, if you’re not satisfied with wielding such a…small weapon, you can drop $369.00 for a more manly sized tool. A Darth Vader saber replica is available only in full size, and the Yoda replica is available only in mini-size. (The description for the Yoda saber notes that it does look significantly different from the Episode II prop replica, with simulated battle-damage.)

p. 468 – Pal Dorian made sure that I mentioned this one: a Bob Moog vinyl figure, for only $35.00.

p. 488 – Lord of the Rings: Sword of Boromir replica. Only $348.99, and comes with a wooden plaque. Insert your own joke about what the wooden plaque says.

p. 492 – Sin City Yellow Bastard Limited Edition Full-Sized Resin Bust. “Limited edition?” The devil, you say. Who wouldn’t want a live-sized version of this thing hanging around the house. For extra fun, leave it in a window facing the street.

p. 493 – Star Wars: Return of the Jedi Style “A” 3D Movie Poster Sculpture. Here’s another one pal Dorian wanted to make sure I’d mention…I’m fairly certain this thing would creep me the hell out. Disembodied hands, sticking out of some box hanging on a wall in my house? No thanks.

In the Adult Previews Supplement:

p. 4 – Brian Pulido’s Unholy #2 – Nature Calls Cover ($5.99). To quote the solicitation: “Penny takes a much needed break on this new variant cover edition by Di Amorim, limited to 700 copies!” A woman, sitting pantsless on a toilet, as a fetishistic variant cover image for a book that the publisher describes as having a readership that is “all ages.” Hey, you know, whatever floats your boat, so to speak. I always wonder, though, about what happens when a publisher brings an image like this to the printer. I’m picturing lots of awkward silences.

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