Here I am, rocking you like a hurry-can once again with yet another look at what treasures await us in the not-too-distant future in the latest issue of Diamond Previews. Grab your copy of the February 2014 edition and follow along…and please enjoy the joke I totally stole from Mr. Show (video link maybe NSFW):
p. 76 – Conan the Avenger #1:
Man, Marvel’s ongoing Avengers title-creep has gone too far, too far I say.
p. 85 – Marvel Classic Character X-Men #94 #2 – Wolverine:
He’s the best at what he does, and what he does…is, well, look kind of creepy.
p. 140 – Graphic Ink The DC Comics Art of Frank Quitely HC:
Well, hello to you, too, Robin.
p. 141 – Watchmen TP New Edition:
“Watchmen TP the ‘Sorry Alan and Dave, We’re Going to Hold onto the Ownership of This Comic for a Bit Longer’ Edition.”
p. 261 – Heisenborg T-Shirt and Breaking Borg T-Shirt:
Oh, I don’t know.
p. 431 – Batman ’66 Boxers:
Friends, if you’re with that special someone, and you doff your street clothes and reveal these beneath, there is no possible way your evening will not be filled with more intimate romance than you’ve ever thought possible.
Also, I considered making a “Bat-pole” joke, but let’s not drag these thoughts of love into the gutters.
p. 449 – Hanna Barbera Captain Caveman 3-inch Action Figure:
This is just one of those instances where I scan an item out of Previews for, if not no particular reason, then only for the slightest of reasons, in this case those crazy thick, black “hairs” sticking out of his face and head, and I don’t have any kind of joke or anything, I just wish to compel you to gaze upon that terrible visage and those dark, twisty strands that beckon to you.
p. 453 – Mr. Potato Head: Marvel’s Spider-Man:
Oh, come on. “Spuder-Man.” It’s right there! C’MON!
p. 457 – Star Trek Tribble Mama Plush:
Just wondering if in the Star Trek world the larger Tribbles were hollowed out and used for hats or toupees? “Um, Jean-Luc, what’s that on your h–” “LOOK, MY HEAD WAS COLD, OKAY?”
p. 472 – Marvel Comics Juggernaut – Danger Room Session – Fine Art Statue:
Well, I don’t know about you, but my definition of “fine art” has been adjusted accordingly.
p. 486 – Doctor Who British Icon 12-Inch Dalek:
“WARNING: MAY BE TOO BRITISH FOR SOME BRITISH PEOPLE.”
p. 491 – Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes Play Arts ~KAI~: Snake:
Finally, I thought they’d never do an action figure of David Hasslefoff from the Nick Fury TV movie! …Wait, what? It’s not? Well, damn.
p. 500 – Sailor Moon Moon Stick Proplica:
First: “proplica?” Second:
p. 501 – Godzilla vs. Mothra: Mothra S.H.MonsterArts Figure:
At first glance, I thought the picture was of a throw rug, and oh, can you imagine my disappointment.
p. 506 – DC Comics Zombie String Dolls:
p. 507 – The Nightmare Before Christmas Jack Skellington Goblet:
Indiana Jones closely studies the array of goblets, large and small, ornate and plain, that are spread out before him, as Elsa and the Old Knight watch.
Suddenly, Indiana reaches out and grabs the Jack Skellington Goblet. He dips it into the water, then takes a deep drink from the skeletal chalice. A great cry goes out, as all the inhabitants from Halloweentown emerge from the shadows and celebrate Indiana’s success. The Mayor’s head spins around to its happy visage and declares today to be Indiana Jones Day!
“You have chosen…wisely,” intones the Old Knight, as Lock, Shock and Barrel chase each other around his legs.
p. 528 – Scooby-Doo! Wrestlemania Mystery Blu-Ray & DVD:
Oh, give me a break. Surely by now everyone knows how fake this is! I mean, honestly, who thinks talking dogs are real?
Marvel Previews p. 3 – Amazing Spider-Man #1:
“Returns?” I had no idea Batman had left.