Happy Thanksgiving to those of us in the U.S. who celebrate it, and Happy Thursday to everyone else…and what better way to commemorate either event than with paging through the latest Diamond Previews (December 2010 edition) and discovering what bounty awaits within this paper cornucopia. Follow along, pilgrims:
p. 93 – Adventure Comics #523:
Is there really such a thing as a “jumping-on point for new readers” for anything Legion-related? I’m not even sure this was true way back in Adventure #247.
p. 132 – Blackest Night Firestorm Bust:
This is not a good look for Don King.
p. 138 – Star Trek Infestation #2:
“Say, Mike, how can I get the ‘zombie-fied’ Star Trek logo cover?”
“Only if you’re bad.”
p. 205 – Marvel Select Thor and Loki Movie Version Action Figures:
“Verily, my microphone is too cumbersome and awkwardly formed!”
“At least yours isn’t too tall!”
p. 215 – Victorian Secret: Girls of Steampunk:
Oh, Antarctic Press.
p. 218 – Betty & Veronica #252:
“Betty and Veronica swap their faces with John Travolta and Nicolas Cage in a story you won’t soon forget!”
p. 233 – Political Power: Glenn Beck:
“You know, when the fascist totalitarian socialists bring this country to its knees, you’re gonna need the basics to ride out the coming storm…plenty of gold, a stockpile of survivalist seeds, and plenty of copies of this, the Glenn Beck comic book, because brother, you’re gonna need the paper.”
p. 298 – Owly & Wormy: Friends All Aflutter HC – Young Readers Picture Book:
Because there was so much reading in the previous Owly releases.
(Yes, yes, I know, the 40-page hardcover is a more kid-friendly format. I was a children’s librarian for several years, after all. And survived.)
p. 314 – Gumby’s Gang #2: Starring Prickle:
“Prickle heads for England in search of his ancestral roots and finds out more about dragons and dinosaurs than he bargained for! Meanwhile, the Blockheads’ evil robot version of Prickle has infiltrated Gumby’s rock band and is wreaking havoc on Gumby, Pokey and Goo. Will Toy Town survive the wrath of…The Prickleton 8000?!”
Well, that’s it, reading that solicitation has driven me insane.
Then again, the seeming purpose of any Gumby animated short was to drive the viewers insane, so this is right in line, I suppose.
p. 321 – The Classic Marvel Figurine Collection Magazine Special – The Blob:
“And then I hold the cows above my head in each hand like this, and squeeze their udders directly into my mouth!”
“Blob, that’s really more than I wanted to kn….”
“And then you should see what I do with the pigs!”
“Oh God, please stop talking.”
p. 327 – Star Wars Mysteries of the Jedi HC:
“…Then George Lucas grafted a bunch of half-baked New Age-y ideas onto a modified chivalrous knighthood, with a little of Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai mixed in, and….”
“Um, I mean, ‘and then the Jedi used their great command over the Force to bring peace to the galaxy.’”
p. 335 – Extreme Anger Military Tee:
Granted, that’s a better name than “Dislocated Jaw Hulk T-Shirt.”
p. 352 – Spy Net Video Watch:
Well, sure, what’s more covert than the GIANTEST WATCH ‘N’ WRISTBAND EVER.
p. 353 – Barbie Dynasty Doll:
Barbie’s Lily Pond Catfight Playset sold separately:
p. 361 – Lucha Libre Luchador Masks:
It’s nice of Diamond to explicitly market to Chris Sims like this.
p. 389 – Norman Phartephant Plush:
“This 10″ elephant plush toy makes eight different ‘phart’ sounds, along with an ‘oops’ and ‘sorry,’ all activated by a squeeze of his tail!”
Well, clearly this set of Trondheim books had to go to make room for the farting elephant toy.
p. 392 – Star Wars: Darth Vader Alarm Clock:
And here is the sound the alarm should make, if there is any justice in the world:
direct link, in case the player doesn’t work
p. 393 – Star Wars: Darth Vader Limited Edition Ceramic Cookie Jar:
He’s filled with midi-cookie-ans!
…Okay, that was bit of a stretch. I’ll have better jokes when the Cookie Jar Jar is eventually released.
p. 394 – Disney by Britto: Mickey Summer Box and Figurine:
Uh, oh…Mickey’s tripping hard! And oh the irony, it’s from his own tattoos! Walt won’t be pleased.
p. 401 – Oh Gnome You Don’t Board Game:
Just posting this as a warning to Employee Aaron that I’ll be saying “Oh Gnome You Don’t” incessantly at the shop over the next few weeks.
Marvel Previews p. 48 – Venom/Deadpool #1:
“…The House of Ideas asks and answers: What if the Venom Symbiote possessed Deadpool!”
“Pssst…hey, Deadpool, it’s me, Venom. You know, I had about a million series of my own back in the ’90s, until people got sick of me and I had to go away for a while. But even I didn’t have them all running concurrently. Just sayin’.”
Marvel Previews p. 97 – Namor Visionaries: John Byrne Vol. 1 TPB:
Dropping this in here because John Byrne’s Namor series came out twenty years ago, and if I’m going to feel old, so are the rest of you.