p. 132 – Blackest Night Series 7 Action Figures:
Doesn’t say in the solicitation, but I’m presuming Dex-Star, the feline Red Lantern, is packaged with the Red Lantern Mera. Really, DC could’ve skipped making that Mera figure and just made Dex-Star. No one wants a figure of Aquaman’s wife. Everyone wants an evil space-kitty.
p. 228 – Life with Archie The Married Life #1:
Continuing the “imaginary” (as they say) stories of Archie in his marriages with Betty and with Veronica. Any theoretical little kids who may read this and not quite get what’s going on here may find themselves exposed early on to the idea of polygamy.
p. 234 – Aspen Splash 2010 Swimsuit Spectacular #1:
A swimsuit special. Published by Aspen. LILY STATUS: GILDED.
p. 394 – Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan Communicator Role-Play Replica:
“Features 3 play modes: Voice Clip Mode, Screaming Kirk Mode, and Hail / Call-Back function.”
“Screaming Kirk Mode.”
“SCREAMING KIRK MODE.”
“SCREAMING KIRK MODE.”
p. 405 – Kick-Ass 6-Inch Action Figures:
Due out September 2010. When the movie’s been out of first-run theatres for about 6 months, and, I’m assuming, will have been on DVD for about two months.
That’s some good timing.
p. 406 – Mr. Potato Head Elvis Presley:
Sadly, Mr. Potato Head Elvis Presley was found floating in his toilet this morning.
p. 415 – Clash of the Titans Baton from Gods Prop Replica:
There are three replica swords from the movie available from the same page. At least the swords sort of look like something that has a use (even with the presumably blunted edges, I’m guessing). The baton…not really so much, no. I suppose you can use it for added emphasis if you gesture with it. “You’re lookin’ for Old Mill Road? Well, go a half-mile in that direction” (BATON POINT) “turn left at the silo” (BATON SWEEP TO LEFT) “and keep headin’ north…you can’t miss it” (BATON TAP TO BRIM OF HAT). “Have a nice day.”
p. 417 – Return to Wonderland Calie Bronze Statue:
Enough of a fan of the Grimm Fairy Tales comic to drop $2,900 on a bronze statue? Now’s your chance.
(My mind always boggles at super high-end comics merchandise like this. I mean, they’re only making 30 of these, which seems…well, reasonable, for the lack of a better word, and surely someone must being buying these, right?)
p. 423 – Jonah Hex Tomahawk Axe Prop Replica and Turnbull’s Cane Prop Replica:
YAAAAAWN. How boring. You know merchandise the Jonah Hex movie needs? “Jonah Hex’s Make-Up Kit for Li’l Cowboys.” Comes with one-size-fits-all prosthetic mouth scar-flap, and optional oversized googly-eye.
p. 426 – Star Wars The Force Unleashed Darth Vader Mini-Bust:
I’d be okay with Lucas going back and redoing the original Star Wars movies one last time, if we could have that climactic lightsaber battle in Return of the Jedi with Darth looking like this.
p. 429 – Darth Maul Lightsaber Chopsticks:
“…A special bonus connector piece lets you turn the Darth Maul chopsticks into a fun double-bladed lightsaber.”
“WARNING: Trying to eat meal with chopsticks in this configuration will only annoy your friends and piss off the waiter. ALSO NOTE: ‘Fun’ may vary from customer to customer. Length of fun not guaranteed.”
p. 433 – Doctor Who the 11th Doctor’s Sonic Screwdriver:
Me: “Hey, look, it’s that new Sonic Screwdriver.”
Nora: “Really? What does it do?”
Me: “Well, it…lights up, and these claws at the end open up, here….”
Nora: “And they want…thirty-two dollars for that?”
Me: “And now you know why I started ‘The End of Civilization.’”
p. 436 – Kick-Ass Talking “In Your Pocket” Keychain:
Plays “six different phrases taken from the film.” There’s only one phrase…well, word from the film in particular anyone really talked about. I would die if that’s on this toy.
p. 443 – Star Trek Cufflinks:
For the stealth nerd in your life. “Sapstein, I don’t want to see you wearing your Star Trek t-shirt to work. Nothing but collared shirts and ties from now on. Got it?” “Got it, boss!” (turns to camera, winks, flashes cuffs, and links, for audience to see)
p. 448 – Tinker Bell Treasure Chest Box:
“OH GOD MY BACK, IT’S BROKEN didn’t that stupid human see me leaning here PLEASE OPEN THE BOX OH GOD THE PAIN”
Marvel Previews p. 73 – X-Women #1:
VERY SPECIFIC JOKE, REQUIRES NERD KNOWLEDGE: “We’re one step closer to getting X-Men: Click.”
SLIGHTLY MORE GENERAL USE JOKE: “At last, bringing all those amateur-made sexy X-Men drawings for sale on eBay into continuity!”