Saturday, December 29, 2007
Okay, maybe you didn't demand it.
Because you demanded it, and because I had a little free time...here you go, some banners declaring your love for the absolutely fantastic, and desperately misunderstood, All Star Batman and Robin, The Boy Wonder (shortened here to All Star Batman for clarity's sake):
Download 'em, upload them to your own image host, and post them proudly, proudly I say, on your weblogs, message boards, business websites...wherever appropriate. (Just don't hotlink them, please.)
No, there's no need to thank me. Your tears of joy are enough.
Friday, December 28, 2007
How to make the entire internet hate me.
Yes, as I posted in that Twitter doodad yesterday afternoon, former employee, podcaster, and bon vivant Kid Chris filled in when I found myself shorthanded at the shop, with Employee Aaron
And as usual, when you give Kid Chris and I a chance to put our brains together, we generate some solid ideas for a better future and a stronger America.
We've developed a comic book rating system based on how many All Star Batmans something is worth. You know, like "this comic is as good as two All Star Batmans." However, I'm sure you already see the problem, since All Star Batman is itself the pinnacle of comic book excellence. Anything being equivalent to two or more ASBs is only theoretical, and quite impossible given our current level of comic book technology. Like the speed of light, you can only approach the 1.0 of ASB, but never exceed it.*
Therefore, items are ranked by percentages. For example, let us take All Star Superman, the second-best All Star book. No one denies that All Star Superman is swell, and personally I think it nearly achieves perfection. Therefore, under our ASB scale, it's ranked as follows:
Then let's take something, like, oh, Incredible Hulk #112, a perfectly acceptable, but not outstanding, superhero book. It's competently done, and entertaining enough, but not a top-flight example of the medium. Nothing to be ashamed of, certainly, but not compelling reading unless you're already reading the book. So, it gets...
And then there's something like, say, Countdown Presents Search for Ray Palmer: Superwoman & Batwoman, where the title is about as long as the plot outline for this issue. Now, I kinda enjoy it, but it only exists for DC Multiverse continuity fanboys, and doesn't do much to really advance the actual "search for Ray Palmer" at all. As I noted before, every issue is pretty much the same...our team pops in, looks around, "hey, things are different here," get into a fight or two, find out they just missed Ray, move on. As I said, only DCU fanboys need apply, but that's me, I'm afraid...I know it's no good, but I like revisiting these Elseworlds anyway, which is why it gets this high a score:
Now let's take Ultimates 3 #1:
It was stapled, and the pages were in order. I think.
Hopefully, you get the idea, here. It's better than my "is this comic better than the tree the paper came from" idea, anyway. And best of all...who's going to argue about the standard used? Everybody loves All Star Batman.
As if that's not enough, Kid Chris and I determined that, using the properties of Shade the Changing Man's M-vest, we can retroactively insert a reason for the actual separation of the Vertigo universe from the regular DC universe, and perhaps use it to reintegrate them together again.
Oh, and Kid Chris has rescinded his statement that Jack Kirby was the Rob Liefeld of the '70s. In case you were wondering.
* Okay, I know there's some theoretical scientific discussion about some faster than light effects, but until I have evidence of quantum entanglement of All Star Batman comics, just go with me here, okay? Though I suspect discussions of light speed is not going to be the thing folks will object to in this post....
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Turok: Son of Stone trailer.
(thanks to my Canadian twin for pointing it out)
This just kinda snuck up on me...I wasn't aware this was even happening, but apparently it's a real project. Huh.
Some YouTube commenters only appear familiar with the video game/Valiant-era versions of the character:
"Many people assume Turok started out as a videogame, but in actuality it was comic book series that was very bloody and gory."
I like this comment the best:
Movie books, and a couple questions for you.
Tim O'Neil recently posted about the variety of cover images used for Philip Jose Farmer's novel To Your Scattered Bodies Go, and the, shall we say, varying levels of quality represented.
In his introduction, Tim talks about how, by and large, covers for sci-fi books are pretty bad, the worst being the book covers that tie into their film adaptations. And that reminded me of my "favorite" (i.e. "most appalling") movie tie-in book cover of all time:
Nothing against Mr. Smith, who manages to be entertainingly watchable in even his terrible movies. Mostly I'm just amused given that any similarities between the I, Robot movie and Isaac Asimov's I, Robot novel are largely coincidental. I mean, c'mon, Dr. Susan Calvin suddenly becoming a gun-toting action hero? That gave me a start.
However, I'd be lying if I said I didn't love this particular variation on Richard Matheson's I Am Legend, scanned from my personal library:
"Get your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty vampires!"
In other news:
Well, actually, I don't have any other news at the moment. No new comics yet this week, and I haven't had time to follow any big comic book news goin' on, if there is any.
So, I'm going to ask you a question. I showed you mine, now you can show me yours. Did you get any comic book swag for the holidays? Any good stuff you desperately wanted? Or how 'bout any stuff obviously purchased for you because "hey, s/he likes comics, this is comic related, s/he'll love it!" regardless of whether you're interested in it or not? (Yeah, I know, "it's the thought that counts," but it still might be good for a laugh or two.)
And did you give any comic book stuff to anyone? To fans or non-fans? Please let me know in the comments section!
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
A little bit of the crass commercialism.
I received one of these for Christmas:
Pretty nice, ain't it? Now I have statues of both of my favorite comic book characters...Swamp Thing and Uncle Scroge McDuck. Yes, I know that's weird. No, not the "owning statues" part, but that my two favorite comic book characters are Swamp Thing and Uncle Scrooge McDuck.
Well, okay, the "owning statues" part is weird, too. Have I mentioned that I have two Swamp Thing statues?
I was also gifted with that new Futurama direct-to-DVD movie, so all you folks asking me if I've seen it...yes, I will be seeing it shortly. And I finally got a copy of Black Books series 3, which will surely help me improve my shop management skills.
And because I know you all want to know...pal Dorian, after returning the Cute Galactus he'd planned on giving me until it turned out that, well, I bought one for myself, presented me with something nearly as terrifying: CUTE LEX LUTHOR:
Alas, no cutesy descriptions of Luthor's personality and/or abilities on the packaging, like Cute Galactus had, but he does come with a badass springloaded injury-to-eye Kryptonite cannon, so there's that.
I swear my discussion of these presents wasn't just an excuse for Amazon links. But, you know, so long as I was talkin' about 'em...what the heck, right?
Also, I wanted to mention to you folks that I'll likely be going through the links in my sidebar and deleting sites that haven't updated in a while...or may very well be gone completely. It's been a few months since I've done a thorough checking. Remember, kids, check and wash your sidebar on a regular basis! It's just good hygiene.
Anyway, if you have a link in the sidebar, there, and you haven't updated since, say, last June, your link's gotta go...unless, of course, you e-mail me and swear up and down you're gonna get going on your site again, in which case, because I'm a soft touch, I'll leave the link up.
As a reminder: GO SPEND MONEY AT YOUR COMIC SHOP THIS WEEK. You know that ten-spot Aunt Cynthia always slips into your Christmas card every year? What are you gonna spend it on? Food? Clothing? Rent? Pshaw! Go buy some funnybooks, friend. As I noted a couple days ago, the new releases this Friday (delayed from Wednesday due to Christmas) are going to add up to a not-so-pretty penny, so please lend a hand, and some coin of the realm, to your local retailer. Who knows...there might even be some kind of after-Christmas sale there to make up for the late arrival of the new books (hint hint nudge).
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
We wish you a Swampy Christmas.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Pal Sean gave me Toy Dolls: The Complete Singles for Christmas, and that's what I'm listening to as I write this.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
It's the most wonderful time of the year.
An actual exchange at the store today:
Me: "Oh, boy! Boy!"
Employee Jeff: "Yes, sir?"
Me: "What day is it, boy?"
Employee Jeff: "Why, it's Christmas Day, sir!"
Me: "Excellent! Boy, take this crisp twenty dollar bill, and take it next door to the game store, would you?"
Employee Jeff: "Sir?"
Me: "Please exchange it for twenty singles. I wish to go the strip club this fine holiday!"
Employee Jeff: "Right away, sir! And Merry Christmas!"
Me: "Same to you, lad!"
"There's no beer here."
I was poking through some '70s and '80s DCs at work on Saturday, and I realized that I really miss Bob Rozakis' old "Ask The Answer Man" columns from the editorial pages. Here's a good example from March 1979, with a bunch of really short, to-the-point, and only occasionally slightly-evasive - yet still true! - answers:
Now that I get questions like this at the shop all the time, I have as much empathy as I do nostalgia for those columns.
'Course, I get questions like this, too:
Eventually poor Bob got so many value questions that they were spun off into a second Answer Man column. The values always seemed to be in the under-a-dollar range. I don't think I ever saw a response that read "Holy crap! That's worth $3,560!"
In other news: