Saturday, February 24, 2007
"You can be the Ghost Rider!"
Friday, February 23, 2007
So long, Walker.
(More details here.)
PLEASE SPEND MONEY INDISCRIMINATELY.
As a seller of funnybooks, I would like to present my unbiased rebuttal to Kevin's recent essay:
BUY MORE COMICS.
Buy everything. If it features a character you like, buy it. If it features a character that once met a character you like, buy it. If it features a creator you like, buy it. If it features a creator you don't like, buy it so you can complain about the creator online. If you're not enjoying reading the comic, hell, keep buying it, it's bound to get better eventually. What are you, a quitter? You don't want to have any holes in your collection, do you? Of course you don't. Other comic fans will laugh and point at you, and rightfully so. So BUY MORE COMICS. If there are multiple covers, buy one of each. In fact, what you should do is buy two of each cover, so you can keep a set aside for future investment potential, and have a set for reading...it's important to have one of each cover, in case you want to read the story underneath one cover as opposed to the other. Oh, and crossover events, you gotta get all those. You're gonna feel left out if you don't know what's going on in the superhero multiverse of your choice. (Or, heck, choice nothing...you should be reading all the superhero multiverses.) Let's see, you'll need to buy the primary crossover event, and all the tie-ins...and you'll probably want to buy two sets of the tie-ins, so you can store one set with in the storage box devoted just to the crossover, and the other set where the titles would be normally filed. That way, if you have an issue of Bungee Cord Warriors that ties into Crisis of Infinite Pants, you can have one copy in your Bungee Cord Warriors box and another in your Crisis of Infinite Pants box. See how that works? You may want to think about buying a third set for actual reading...perhaps third and fourth sets so you can store those along with the keeper sets in the separate boxes.
So BUY MORE COMICS. I don't care what. Just buy some. Preferably from me. Give me your money. DO IT NOW.
...You people are so damned lucky I use my powers for good, and not for evil.
In other, less sarcastic news:
"The Infinite Crisis of Comics" - article on New York Comic Con focuses on gradual death of superhero comics, and why Marvel and DC's output won't appeal to anyone not already reading their books.
Live-action Justice League of America movie threatened.
"United States: The World’s Batman?"
"President Bush reminds Americans that he believes the U.S. is the sole force responsible for protecting the world from evil. Likewise, in the original 1989 film Batman, Bruce Wayne believes that he must defend the city 'because nobody else can.' Batman and America have devoted themselves to the idea that one man or one nation can address the myriad of problems the world faces. Consequently, Batman and the U.S. take it upon themselves to fight the rogues of the world—be they dumpy cranks like the Penguin and Kim Jong-il, or menaces who always answer questions by posing them, like the Riddler and Iranian President Ahmadinejad. In doing so, they invest their very beings into attaining a specific world order. And they even have the help of staunch sidekicks: Batman’s got Robin, America’s got Tony Blair!"
Hey, it's pal Dorian's birthday today! Happy birthday, boy chum!
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Progressive Ruin Presents...the End of Civilization.
Once more into the breach, my friends, as you and I storm the latest issue of the Diamond Previews catalog (March '07)...grab your copy and follow along, won't you?
p. 312 - Angel: Masks:
You know, that "Angel turns into a puppet" episode of Angel is probably the peak of the whole Buffyverse saga...it's cute, it's funny, it's self-mocking, it's actually as good as some hardcore Buffy fans think every episode is, and for some reason, every time one of the licensees dips into the puppet well, it diminishes the original for me. I've spoken before about the multiple Angel-as-puppet dolls, and the apparently based-on-fanfic Spike-as-puppet doll (resolicited this month, in fact!), and now this comic, featuring a Angel puppet story. Hey, maybe it'll be great, but I'm all puppeted out.
p. 393 - The Wolverine Handbook:
I so wanted this to be a "How to become just like Wolverine" instruction manual. "First, don't take any grief from anyone, bub. Second, get claws, learn how to use 'em." Alas, it seems to be just a Marvel Universe Handbook-style biographical overview.
p. 422 - Samurai Sandals:
"Not only did the Samurai have to protect their bodies with metal armor, but they also had to protect their feet! Now you can feel like a warrior with these cool Samurai sandals! NOTE: Not available in Germany."
Whoops, sorry, my German friends. NO SAMURAI FOR YOU. Also, it's odd that there's no indication that this is some kind of merchandising tie-in to a Japanese cartoon (like everything else in this section). It's just, hey, a pair of sandals, offered up in the funnybook catalog! I wonder if any other sandals had been offered by Diamond before...like Hulk flip-flops or something.
p. 425 - "Comics Are..." Black t-shirt:
Oh, I beg to differ, my friend. May I point out to you the Diamond Previews adult supplement....?
p. 446 - Star Trek The Original Series "Cloth Retro" Series 1 Kirk & Klingon Action Figures:
It always ages you just a little when toys you had as a young'un are reissued as "retro" items. Yes, I had these figures, and more besides. I even had the big 'ol Enterprise bridge playset...okay, now I'm depressing myself.
p. 462 - Star Trek The Original Series "Landing Party" Spock 40th Anniversary Statue:
"Captain, look, over there...I believe I see...a nerd...."
(Yeah, I know, so says the guy who had the Enterprise playset.)
p. 462 - Star Wars Jawa mini-bust:
Actually, you get two Jawa busts in this set. How cool is that? I'm not really poking fun or anything...I just loves me the Jawas.
p. 481 - Demonbane Aru & Raika 1/8 PVC Statue:
"The new anime series Demonbane [based on a hit video game] mixes elements of H.P. Lovecraft's Cthulhu Mythos with the time-honored traditions of the Giant Robot anime for a genre-busting series that must be experienced!"
Okay, I'm going to guess the "sexy girls in bikinis" thing must be one of those time-honored Giant Robot anime traditions, because Lovecraft probably would have keeled over dead (I mean, sooner than he already did) if ever saw anything like this.
p. 484 - Jaws 12-inch Plush with Sound:
"It also features a sound-chip that plays the classic John Williams theme music when you squeeze his body!"
You know, when I was a kid, I had quite a few Jaws-related (or at least inspired) items, which, now that I think about it, was kind of odd. But this item would have fit right in.
p. 498 - Spider-Man 3 Push Light:
Let's see, normally you can get these at the 99-cent store, but slap some Spider-Man stickers on 'em...and now you got yourself a $5.99 item. Well done, sirs, well done.
p. 500 - Shrek Talking Pens:
Celebrate one of the most overexposed film franchises of recent memory with pens containing sound chips featuring your favorite Shrek characters. Guaranteed to aggravate everyone within hearing, with the almost-certain exception of the person who actually owns the pen. Fun for everyone!
Marvel Previews p. 87 - Marvel Milestones Zombie Spider-Man & Mary Jane Statue:
For those of you looking for a way to really confirm the neighbors' opinions about you. I mean, you all know how crap like this looks to the uninitiated, right? "Why do you have a statue of evil Spider-Man standing with a gutted woman, Bob?" "Well, uh...." "I don't believe you are the type of person we'd want at our fourth annual neighborhood weenie roast/charity sack race, Bob...good day to you, sir."
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
HAPPY ULTIMATE WOLVERINE VS. HULK DAY!
Yes, that's right, Happy Ultimate Wolverine Vs. Hulk Day, as it's been exactly one year* since the second, and, thus far, last issue of this proposed six-issue series was released to the eagerly-awaiting public.
Marvel's page for #3 still has the release date of May 17th, 2006, though it has since been announced that the series is off the schedule until all remaining issues are completed.
So celebrate with me one year of having to repeatedly tell customers "No, I'm sorry, I'm not sure when it will be out." Celebrate the order numbers for Ultimate Wolverine Vs. Hulk #3 being presented to me for adjustment on several occasions, filling me with some small false hope that it may actually be released. Celebrate the fact that as often as I was asked about the comic in early to mid-'06, I only sporadically get questions about it now...customers usually asking in the context of "Pfffft...typical Marvel!"
And celebrate with me just one more nail in the coffin of comic book consumer confidence. Ultimate Wolverine Vs. Hulk, All-Star Batman, Civil War, Wonder Woman...thanks, guys, for giving me the opportunity to explain your problems to my customers! I couldn't be happier!
* Okay, it'll actually be one year on the 22nd, but I thought this celebration would be more fitting on the day the new comics are released. Think of it as "Ultimate Wolverine Vs. Hulk Day (observed)."
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
It may not be what you want, but it's certainly what you need.
"Mardi Gras celebrations grow in Grand Rapids"
"The Super Happy Funtime Burlesque show will highlight the New Orleans-themed bar's four-day Mardi Gras celebration, which kicked off Saturday."
"Swamp Thing dancers."
"SWAMP THING DANCERS."
"SWAMP THING DANCERS."
"SWAMP THING DANCERS."
Whatever it is I'm picturing in my head, it surely isn't what's happening at this Mardi Gras event.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Geez, this flu is still lingering, but when a man's gotta blog, a man's gotta blog, so let me at least address a few items here before I go wrap the drapery of my couch about myself again:
Sunday, February 18, 2007
...and if I have to suffer, so do you:
(Real content should resume tomorrow. Hopefully.)