You! Yes, you! You must heed my warning! I have come from the far-flung future of November 2014 to warn you primitive savages of the tragic future that’s coming! Look to your current day Previews almanac, the September 2014 edition, and learn well from it as I guide you through it and point out the terrors that await you!
Also, there’s a spoiler in here for The Man of Steel film! I understand you ancient peoples still revere the moving picture and the sanctity of its secrets!
p. 126 – Injustice Gods Among Us Year Three #3:
Oh, sure, Swamp Thing’s not good enough for your precious video game, but you’ll put him in the tie-in comic. I see how it is, thinking we Swamp Thing fans are so easily swayed after your earlier refusal to pander to our needs.
‘Course, I’ll buy it anyway, because I’m a chump.
p. 150 – Superman The Man of Steel Superman by Moebius Statue:
Now the solicitation says “this newest entry in the line of statues based on the artwork from SUPERMAN #400,” and I don’t know if that means “this is our newest Superman statue, and this one is based on the illustration from Superman #400″ or “this is the latest in our series of Superman #400-inspired statues,” because I sure don’t remember any previously-statued renditions of Superman #400 pin-ups. I’d certainly remember this one:
Wouldn’t that look good, seemingly busting out of your wall in your house’s study or sitting room?
p. 159 – Angry Birds/Transformers #1:
Uh, guys, it’s okay if you don’t want to cross over things. You really don’t have to.
p. 242 – The Walking Dead Rick Grimes TV 10-Inch Action Figure:
Oh, the ad says “Rick.”
p. 259 – Ewoking Dead T-Shirt:
This may be hypocritical of me, given what I just said about the Angry Birds/Transformers comic, and I don’t know if these shirts are getting better or I’m just getting soft in my old age, but…man, I can’t help it, I think “Ewoking Dead” is kind of funny.
Don’t look at me like that.
p. 473 – Legends of Cthulhu Spawn of Cthulhu Action Figure:
These are about the same size, and close enough in appearance, to the old Star Wars action figures. That would have made my playtime a lot different as a child:
“‘The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. Some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new Dark Age.’
“C’MON MIKE, that’s not what Obi-Wan says about the Force!”
p. 474 – Man of Steel Superman 10-Inch Plush:
Just imagine those cutesy-wutsey puffy hands around Zod’s head, breaking his neck. Why, that would be adorable!
p. 480 – Battlestar Galactica Viper MKH Super-Deform Model Kit:
This is what Starbuck’s ship looks like after he’s had a few drafts of ambrosa and bumps the back of the launch bay during landings a few too many times.
Also, I’m picturing the base as little Flintstones-type feet that spin around in a circle before the ship dashes off, a little deformed Viper shaped puff of smoke left behind.
p. 484 – Man-Thing 1/4-Scale Statue:
This statue better be 21 inches tall, one-fourth of Man-Thing’s documented seven foot height, as indicated in Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe Deluxe Edition #8 (1986), or there’s going to be trouble.
Also, I will be accepting donations to help me purchase one of these for myself. Oh no, no need to thank me for allowing you to contribute.
p. 486 – Star Wars Life-Size Vintage Boba Fett Monument:
This Life-Size Boba Fett statue is the edition with the non-firing backpack cannon, after the possible choking hazard threatened by the first version. And by “choking” I mean “taking heads clean off.”
p. 491 – Marvel Deadpool Marvel Now ArtFX+ Statue:
To represent the character even more accurately, they should release four or five marginally different Deadpool statues all at the same time.
p. 502 – Doctor Who The Impossible Set:
Remember that episode where the Doctor and Carla cosplayed as Willy Wonka and Veruca Salt? That was a good one.
p. 523 – Pop! The Walking Dead Vinyl Figures:
Okay, at first glance:
…I thought this was a Charlie Brown zombie. It’s that jagged gap across the stomach that got me.
In fact, as I look at this larger scan…it has to be Charlie Brown. He even has that little tuft of hair at the top of his head. If the next set has a scraggly-haired zombie carrying remnants of a raggedy blue blanket, I’ll know I was onto something.
Marvel Previews p. 24-6 – New Avengers #26-#27, Avengers #38:
Wow, something big is happening in these two Avengers titles, and it’s only six months and approximately 15 to 20 issues away!
Marvel Previews p. 32-3 – Spider-Woman #1:
That is the worst sunburn I’ve ever seen.