That we live in a world with sights such as these.
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Courtesy reader Steve from Palm Springs, who went above and beyond the call of duty to produce this for my benefit, and now for your benefit too:
Gaze upon it and weep, for you have never before witnessed such beauty.
Thanks, Steve! Now if only it were a real comic….
image from Laugh #293 (August 1975)
Also, giving yourself a nickname is never a good look, says the guy calling himself “Mikester” online for, like, decades now.
So Archie, the fella who usually has two or more pretty young gals pursuing him at any given time, gets some unsolicited advice on how to handle women from a guy who clearly knows what he’s talking about:
Archie being Archie, he of course takes this advice, laying his cool new ‘tude and his new hairstyle on Veronica:
Surprisingly, it doesn’t work like it does for the Fo–excuse me, for “Funzee,” so the Arch moves on to his next supposed conquest, Betty:
…whose father has the appropriate reaction:
Archie isn’t a complete dummy, however, and abandons his attempt at TV star coolness, just in time for his ironic comeuppance:
Aw, poor guy. Don’t worry, Arch, your time will come soon enough:
images from Archie Giant Series #461 (September 1977) – also reprinted in the Archie Americana Best of the Seventies trade paperback
image from Archie’s Girls Betty and Veronica #109 (January 1965)
Angrier about the damaged product than he is afraid of the hideous infernal beast born of the pit roaming his aisles.
In other news, Veronica has got herself some of that Spider-Man eyeliner:
“Here, try some of our other ‘eye fantasy’ styles, most of which will probably not result in any sort of permanent blindness. We recommend Style 4 in the bottom right corner, ‘Scrambled Eggs and Painted Fingernails.'”
Everyone say hello to Alphonse:
images from Hot Stuff The Little Devil #118 (September 1973) and Laugh #208 (June 1968)
Don’t really have the time or energy to write what I was going to write, so let’s examine Jughead’s crazy shirt instead.
Sorry, just wasn’t up to a big post today. In fact, after looking at Jughead’s shirt, I’m getting sleepy…very sleepy….
from Archie Giant Series #18 (September 1962)
Recently acquired a boatload of ’60s and ’70s Archies, including this, which may have my favorite Jughead cover of all time:
“Most horrifying costume,” eh? Wonder what they would have made of this Jughead costume, just a mere 50+ years later:
images from Archie’s Pal Jughead #78 (September 1961) and Afterlife with Archie #1 (September 2013)
So anyway, I read Afterlife with Archie #1, in which the zombie menace invades Riverdale, and now I think I’ve gone mad:
Also, the comic is fantastic. Beautifully illustrated by Francesco Francavilla, and written by Roberto Aquirre-Sacasa in such a way that the Riverdale zombie apocalypse actually makes sense within the Archie universe. Well, “makes sense” in that the entire comic is completely bonkers, but it’s a good kind of bonkers and I totally recommend it. Now, I have (as I write this) about ten hours to decide if I’m going to rack with the rest of the Archie comics on the “Fun for All Ages” shelves because I’m an awful person, or keep it separate from them because this really is a dark and gruesome (and yet fascinating) book. Well…we’ll see.
In other news…in case you were wondering where my current sidebar pic came from, here you go, straight from the Grand Comics Database:
I will bet 20 quatloos that the story is nowhere as amazing as that cover. (Another 10 quatloos that the story in no way even resembles that cover.)