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Frankly, this book has a lot of problems with hyphens.

§ August 9th, 2013 § Filed under advertising, hulk § 9 Comments

So I purchased a comic collection Thursday afternoon, and among the assorted Iron Man issues and a reader copy of Sub-Mariner #1 (1968) and some British edition Freak Brothers comics and the one issue of Secret Defenders that still sells, I found a handful of copies of this:


…the 1983 Spider-Man Fire-Star and Iceman insert for the Dallas Times Herald newspaper, tying into the Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends animated series. Note that Firestar gets an extraneous hyphen, which also runs through the interior pages. I was kind of hoping we’d get “Ice-Man” inside the book, too, but no such luck.

Anyway, the story involves our heroes going to see The Nutcracker ballet, but not until after answering nature’s call:


…but ending up in a fight against the surely-must-have-turned-up-in-a-Bendis-issue-of-Avengers villain Daddy Longlegs:


…whose motivation is summed up thusly:


And frankly, that’s a motivation I can understand, more so than the usual reasons of “I want to blow up the Earth/take over the universe/get revenge on the Kryptonian for making me lose my hair.”

The latter portion of the comic involves our super-pals sitting in the audience and actually watching the performance of The Nutcracker, the story of which is retold in the comic. Please enjoy this horrifying version of the Rat King:


…who surely must also have made a cameo appearance in one of the Bendis Avengers comics.

Since this publication was one of interest to a particular locality, there are ads for area businesses throughout the book, generally featuring Marvel characters in varying levels of association. Apparently there’s something to do with “swinging” in this ad:


…which you’ll note neglects the necessary hyphen in Spider-Man.

This ad, placed on the page right next to the previous ad, remembers the space for the hyphen, but not the hyphen itself:


And here’s Spider-Man again, still missing that hyphen, this time shilling for fine RCA television products:


Surely the unnecessary hyphens in each occurrence of “Fire-Star” used up the hyphen quota for this comic, resulting in Spidey’s rampant hyphen shortages. Ah, if only the people placing these ads had access to the decades-later wisdom of Metrokitty.

Now, the Hulk isn’t in the story, though I would have paid one American dollar to have him dressed as one of the toy soldiers in the retelling of the ballet, but he does show up in a couple of ads. For example, this ad, where Hulk’s just kinda hanging out there around those boots for some reason:


Man, Hulk doesn’t even wear boots. What’s going on here.

And please enjoy the subtle menace of this image, attached to a restaurant ad ballyhooing Santa’s appearance there:


No, not Hulk-Santa, the attached ad just says “Santa Claus.” I wonder how many kids interpreted it to mean that Hulk would be there, dressed as Santa? “HULK NOT CARE IF YOU RICH OR POOR / HULK SMASH YOU JUST THE SAME”

…Christmas jokes in August. You’re welcome.

EDIT: For more information about Daddy Longlegs, I refer you to pal Andrew.
 
 

images from Spider-Man Fire-Star and Iceman (1983) by Jim Salicrup, Jim Mooney and John Tartaglione

“The Comics Retailer and Blogger Type….”

§ July 6th, 2013 § Filed under advertising § 5 Comments



from Girl’s Romances #112 (October 1965)

Sir, I would like to see documentation of at least twelve of those seventeen ways.

§ July 5th, 2013 § Filed under advertising, archie § 1 Comment



house ad from Ginger #2 (1952)

The sarcasti-quotes tell a different story.

§ May 31st, 2013 § Filed under advertising § 5 Comments

“Psychedelicatastrophe.”

§ November 24th, 2012 § Filed under advertising, archie § 8 Comments


 

house ad from Archie’s Joke Book #127 (August 1968)

The Osmonds and David Cassidy: TROUBLE MAGNETS.

§ November 5th, 2012 § Filed under advertising § 10 Comments



detail from ad in Young Romance #193 (Apr-May 1973)

Happy Fourth of July, where applicable!

§ July 4th, 2012 § Filed under advertising § 5 Comments

If you’re among the folks who celebrate the Fourth, I certainly hope you have a fun and relaxing day. And, if you’re anything like me, you’ll be celebrating Independence Day in that most patriotic of t-shirts:


…while speeding around city streets and hanging with your pal Huggy Bear, as our country’s forefathers intended.

Happy Fourth of July, or happy Wednesday for you international types, and I’ll see you…Thursday? Friday? One of those days.

Let’s all enjoy some aggressive marketing via DC Comics bookmarks from 2006.

§ June 21st, 2012 § Filed under advertising § 9 Comments

Well, sure, Batman’s isn’t too far off the mark:


And Wonder Woman’s is…well, okay, she is a warrior, so I guess this one can slide:


…but this one doesn’t feel very…Superman-y, you’d have to admit:


And this one makes me laugh, because I’m a bad person:


In comparison, the Green Lantern one felt a bit tame:


…so I decided to do a little copy editing:


And yet, strangely, still in character!

It says “pucker.”

§ March 24th, 2012 § Filed under advertising § 6 Comments


1. “Anything in your online Britanica [sic],” they mean.

2. Man, what did Heidi ever do to them? “Hey, yeah, take that, the Swiss!” (Well, okay, maybe this.)

3. Remember when bippies roamed the earth, and the betting thereof was repeatedly encouraged? Thankfully, a bippy-based economy never took hold.

4. All in all, I’m frankly not sold on this unholy amalgamation of “nutty stickers” and “daisies.” SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE, MODERN TECHNOLOGY?
 

back cover ad from Teen-In #3 (Summer 1969)

Frankly, I could use a bit of “The Wonder Touch.”

§ March 19th, 2012 § Filed under advertising § 3 Comments


I can only assume the “magne power ring” has the ability to summon founding A-Ha member Magne “Mags” Furuholmen. Or else it’s a typo and it cause mange, which would be terrible. Or perhaps it’s a manga power ring with the ability to make teenagers park ‘n’ read in bookstore aisles.

“Sense extension” is also intriguing, like, I don’t know, being able to smell around distant corners, or hear things like aphids screaming. Common sense extension would be practical, because who couldn’t think of a few people who could use a little of that.

Also, “Natural super powers” seems a bit self-contradictory.

ADDITIONAL READING:

This interview with Lord of the Rings fight stylist Tony Wolf mentions the above ad (or at least, a similar one), and what Mr. Wolf received when he sent away for it.

 

advertisement from Justice League of America #160 (November 1978)

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