Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

§ February 5th, 2018 § Filed under End of Civilization § 8 Comments

Here it is, straight off of my stove and delivered steaming hot onto your virtual plate…the latest installment of the End of Civilization, the longest-running regular comics blog feature in the history of comic blogs, which I’m totally saying without any research or confirmation whatsoever! Get out your copies of Diamond Previews, February 2018 edition, and follow along as we take a peek at the future that’s coming:

p. 46 – Xerxes The Fall of the House of Darius and the Rise of Alexander #1:


The Sin City prequel you never expected!
 
 
p. 82 – Action Comics #1000:


Sorry, all the ones where he’s not wearing the red trunks don’t count, so it’s still only like issue #905 or thereabouts. …Oh, wait, there were all the Electric Superman issues, too…I’ll have to get back to you on this.
 
 
p. 87 – The Terrifics #3:


Guest-starring Abelard Snazz, D.R. & Quinch, Skizz, and Halo Jones!
 
 
p. 151-3 – The New Teen Titans Starfire and Robin Multi-Part Statues:


A neat idea, where you buy individual statues that eventually approximate a specific published image, in this case the cover for the original New Teen Titans #1 from 1980:


…which is nice an’ all, but let me know when they start doing the same for this:


 
 
p. 158-9 – Sonic The Hedgehog #1-#4:


So will we get a reboot on the fan art, too, or will that weirdness just continue on as-is?
 
 
p. 251 et al. – Marvel Gallery Savage Land Rogue PVC Diorama:


I feel like this is really stretching the definition of “diorama?” I mean, I guess it’s technically correct, but not really in the diorama spirit. It does come in window box packaging, which would make it more diorama-ish I suppose. …Look, I’m just nitpicking this so I don’t think about how much of a problem it is for here to be so…uncovered when the barest touch of her skin could debilitate another person, lack of fashion options in the Savage Land or no.

…I know I’m like decades late to this argument.
 
 
p. 477 – 100 Things X-Men Fans Should Know & Do Before They Die SC:


OH MY GOD they’re all DYING? …Well, that would explain sales on the comics.
 
 
p. 486 – The Art of Ready Player One HC:


They finally found something to do with the unsold copies of the art books for Iron Giant and Lord of the Rings.
 
 
p. 487 – Harry Potter Talking Dobby with Book Kit:


“Master has given Dobby a book!”

Well, um, not exact–

“Master has also given Dobby a kit!”

Aren’t…aren’t you part of–?

“Master also gave Dobby this wonderful base for him to stand on!”

I’m pretty sure you’re just molded to–

“And look at this great box Master has given Dobby to stay in!”

IS THERE ANY WAY WE CAN GET RID OF THE “TALKING” PART OF THIS TALKING DOBBY KIT
 
 
p. 487 – Star Trek Light & Sound Borg Cube Kit:

“The kit includes a light-up Borg cube with sound, display base, and 48-page book on the history of Borg cubes and full-color photos.”

“Here’s the Borg cube crossing the Delaware River…and here are some Borg cubes building the Sphinx…and here they are nailing the Ninety-Five Theses to the chapel door….”

“Boy, they’re really padding out this 48-page book, aren’t they?”
 
 
p. 494 – Mystery Science Theater 3000 Trading Cards Series One:


“All the sticks of gum packed with these cards taste funny.” “Oh, that’s what happened to the hamdingers!”
 
 
p. 499 – Ten Cents T-Shirt:


Why, I remember when comic book t-shirts were only a nickel!
 
 
p. 502 – We Bare Bears “Internet Famous” Oxford T-Shirt:


Finally, a shirt in Previews that’s just for me. Well, I’ll have to scribble the prefix “SEMI-” before “INTERNET” on the shirt there, you know, out of my well-known and highly-regarded modesty.
 
 
p. 520 – Alien Facebugger Life-Size Prop Replica:


“…So basically, Grandma, Giger designed this to be like an independent and ambulatory sex organ for the Alien!”

“That’s…that’s nice, dear, but maybe we could take it off the table for Easter dinner?”
 
 
p. 523 – DC Jimmy Olsen as Superman Action Figure:


Look, we’re just gonna need action figures of every one of Jimmy’s permutations, some of which seen here:


I’m sure some already exist in custom form (like Porcupine Olsen). And yes, we’ll need Leslie Lowe, Girl Reporter. How could we not?
 
 
p. 561 – Minions Dave Bearbricks:

Well, sure, the Minions are a bit overplayed right now, but at least they’re cute and funnylooAUGH


 
 
p. 561 – Robocop Bearbricks:


“I’d bear that for a dollar!”
 
 
p. 593 – Harry Potter Light-Up Notebooks:

“Stay on top of your Hogwarts class notes with these Harry Potter themed notebooks with covers that light up like magic!”

“That’s funny, the ‘Dumbledore Is Gay’ message doesn’t light up on this one. Wonder why?”
 
 
p.604 – Stranger Things Monopoly:


Do not pass GO, do not pass up a single 1980s pop culture reference, apparently.
 
 
p. 605 – The Walking Dead All Out War Miniatures Game Core Set:


Reenact the ongoing conflict between Rick’s crew and the Saviors with this exciting tabletop war game…and if things don’t go your way, you can always smash everything and knock it to the floor with the Lucille “Take It Like a Champ” Edition 32-Inch Bat conveniently offered again on page 537 of this very Previews:

8 Responses to “Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.”

  • Turan, Emissary of the Fly World says:

    100 things X-Men fans should do before they die:

    1. Put down that comic and step outside!

    2. Read a book! One without pictures!

    …and so on.

  • Turan, Emissary of the Fly World says:

    Oh, and…

    100. Stop pretending that reading X-Men comics is in and of itself taking action against racism and homophobia.

  • Thelonious_Nick says:

    Haha, yes I had the exact same reaction to that X-Men book, something like

    1) Feel the sun against your skin, for once. Take a walk or something, for God’s sake.

  • Chris G says:

    “Jim, the updated costumes didn’t work. Just draw the one everybody knows that we were already going to bring back anyway.”

    “Can I keep the Nehru collar?”

    “No, Jim, that was stupid.”

    “Can I draw little lines all over everything?”

    “You know, Jim, I wanted to buy Malibu, and not WildStorm.”

    “What about really really detailed boots?”

    “Jim, this is a return to the classic look.”

    “Can I add pointy shirt cuffs? That always looks good!”

    “…fine.”

    “WHOO-HOO!”

    “Everybody else will ignore them, anyway.”

    “What?”

    “Nothing.”

  • Thom H. says:

    “Look, we’re just gonna need action figures of every one of Jimmy’s permutations”

    YES YES YES YES YES!

  • Robcat says:

    1- That Dumbledore comment is not only comedy gold, but witty social commentary, as well. Nicely done!

    2-As a religion major, loved the 95 Thesis reference. Feel free to work that into all your posts from now on. I was puzzling over the strangeness that is a cube statue, and you just made it even BETTER!

  • King of the Moon says:

    Good luck comics retailers who will be hearing the same joke over and over

    “I’ll take that t-shirt”
    “That’ll be 14.99”
    “But it says 10 cents”

  • Allan says:

    The Rogue fig is probably a reference to the ’90s X-Men cartoon, where being in the Savage Land drained mutants of their powers. Although I don’t remember Rogue looking quite like that from the show.

    Thanks for the years of free content, brother!

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