Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

§ January 8th, 2018 § Filed under End of Civilization § 7 Comments

Back due to poplar demand! That’s right, trees everywhere have insisted that I once again page through the latest issue of Diamond Previews (the January 2018 edition) and warn you of soon-to-arrive direct market items, many of which are…um, made…from trees…? Even Previews itself is…well, I sense perhaps a complex motivation behind said demand, but while we puzzle that out, why not page through your copy and follow along?

p. 72 – Jam (New Edition) SC:


Not a novelization of this comic, as I’d hoped:


 
 
p. 83 – Game of Thrones Buttons:


Haven’t read a page of the books, haven’t seen a second of the TV show, can only assume based on this button there’s a kingdom filled with folks wading in shallow water in those big ol’ fisherman pants, fighting other kingdoms like this:


If I’m wrong, don’t tell me…let me have my dreams.
 
 
p. 99 – Batgirl #21:


Look, just tell me…is that Swamp Thing on the cover or not? Do I need to order extra copies for myself and my “all Swamp Thing appearances” customers? CLEAR IT UP, PLEASE
 
 
p. 150 – Absolute Batman The Killing Joke HC:


Surely some of the 130-somethin’ pages in this new, new edition of Killing Joke will adapt the new prologue from the animated adaptation.
 
 
p. 165 – Ghostbusters Crossing Over #1:


A team-up event featuring all the different versions of the Ghostbusters…

…except, of course:


Poor Tracy the Gorilla. Well, maybe he can get a job at that Gorilla Channel that’s so popular now.
 
 
p. 194 – Rick Veitch’s The One #2:


The solicit reads “presents a shocking worldview that almost predicted today’s political climate,” and I was ready to poke fun at it, but in all fairness… who could have predicted all this back in the 1980s? Hell, if anything, The One isn’t weird enough.
 
 
p. 266 – Gingerdead Man Meets Evil Bong #1:


Speaking of which…this feels like just one step away from another Donald Trump parody comic, somehow.
 
 
p. 289 – Vampironica #1:


Okay, we’ve had Archie zombies, Werewolf Jughead, and Vampire Veronica. If we don’t get The Reggimummy eventually, I will be very disappointed.
 
 
p. 295 – Jirni #1:

I recognized that I have a problem with recognizing puns or homophones in comic book names and titles, and now that I have recognized this issue, there’s no way I can get caught off guard by any…other….


…DAMMIT.
 
 
p. 320 – Planet of the Apes Ursus #3:


So when do we get the series featuring Lucius, the rebellious teen ape from the end of the original film? It’s what the people want!
 
 
p. 326 – Belladonna Fire and Fury #4 Wraparound Cover:


Finally, something new to add to my long-neglected gelatinous cube category. My sexy, sexy gelatinous cube category.
 
 
p. 356 – Star Wars #1 Signed by Stan “The Man” Lee and Remarked with a Character Sketch by Ken Haeser:


Okay, far as I know Stan Lee never worked on a Star Wars comic, beyond “Stan Lee Presents”-ing them, but what I wouldn’t give for the unholy combination of Threepio’s regular speech patterns combined with Lee’s bombast. “”I suggest a new strategy, Artoo: let that that WILD AND WACKY WOOKIEE TAKE ALL THE MARBLES, TRUE BELIEVER! EXCELSIOR!”
 
 
p. 442 – Bloodshot Salvation #7:


“BLACKOUT! A seminal comics milestone told entirely in pitch-black darkness!”

So, it’s like the photo-negative of that one issue of Alpha Flight:


 
 
p. 513 – One-12 Collection Halloween Michael Myers Action Figure:


Who needs a scaled down version of Michael Myers when I have a 1:1 scale model right here in the shop!


 
 
p. 537 – Star Wars The Last Jedi EAA-058 Captain Phasma Action Figure:


About time Mel Brooks turned his Spaceballs-eye to the new trilogy. Why, hello there, Shiny Helmet!
 
 
p.570 – Batman Gotham City 4D Mini Puzzle:


“Batman, the only clue 4D Mini-Puzzle King left behind was this Gotham City 4D Mini Puzzle.”

“(sigh) Well, I guess prefer this to the clues left by Manure Master.”
 
 
p. 573 – Star Wars “Yoda Best Dad Ever” Tumbler with Black Lid:


More or less upsetting than the Wacky Wobbler? YOU DECIDE:


 
 
p. 574 – Star Wars The Last Jedi Ceramic Sculpted Mugs – Chewbacca:


At first I thought that was actual “hair” on that mug, and I may have gagged a little.
 
 
p. 581 – Clue Retro Game:


“Turn the time machine back to 1986 with this Retro Series Clue Game! […] The game has unique collectible packaging and the classic gameplay that you know and love, with retro components based on the 1986 edition.”

“Turn the time machine back to 1986”

“Retro components based on the 1986 edition”

OH, YOU KNOW, THE VERSION OF THE GAME THAT CAME OUT LIKE 5 YEARS AFTER THE LAST TIME I PLAYED IT, HA HA, ANYWAY HERE COMES MY IMMINENT DEATH
 
 
Marvel Previews p. 40 – True Believers Venom Vs. Spider-Man #1:


I know the final version of this will have the “True Believers” banner on the cover, but I still look forward to years of telling people “no, this isn’t the issue of Amazing Spider-Man that goes for stupid amounts of money, sorry.”
 
 
p. 103 – Thing Project Pegasus TPB:


I have a vague recollection of complaints in the fan press, from readers and from retailers, about Marvel’s initial paperback release of this story back in the 1980s being indicative of efforts at flooding the market with unnecessary and overpriced product. …All those people were, of course, wrong, because what we need are more books reprinting the classic adventures of Bashful Blue-Eyed Benjy. If you want to save the comics industry, Marvel, then get on that!
 
 

special thanks to Bully the Little Snowblind Bull for production assistance!

7 Responses to “Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.”

  • Jack says:

    “Retro” and “1986” in the same sentence feels like some sort of continuity error on the part of the universe. Surely those two things can’t possibly be in the same sentence!

  • David Alexander McDonald says:

    Ha, I just bought the previous edition of JAM for fifty-six cents. If only I’d have waited, I could have paid so much more!

  • John says:

    I had the same exact reaction to that Batgirl listing. I figure I’ll order one (or 5 – you know, for cross-filing) just in case. If it turns out not to be? Guess I’ll just leave it on the bus or something for someone else. Why would I want it if there’s no Swampy?

  • BK Munn says:

    I wish I could find that sweet Hernandez Bros quote about the reprint of Project Pegasus being an example of the bullshit type of “graphic novel” being sold to fans. in the 70s and 80s. I still have a fondess for the series myself, but I was a little kid when it was serialized and it represented to me all that was perfect in comic books at the time. (And I still think the T-Girls took a little inspiration from Thundra and the Grapplers…)

  • philip says:

    Your vision of “Game of Thrones” is a million times better than anything on HBO or anything G.R.R. Martin wrote. If the next season does not feature a fight with fish as missiles, the whole endeavor will have been a failure.

  • I’d rather that new book FIRE AND FURY have the woman with her butt sticking out of the ice cube then I would Trump’s. Belladonna…BellaBannon. Thoughts, Mike?

  • Casie says:

    Ha! Sexy gelatinous cube.
    Only Mike Sterling. ;)

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