Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.
Hey, I was into the End of Civilization before it was cool…and so were a lot of you, if you’ve been reading my site for any length of time. So, let us all gather together in our old school hipness and plow through the new Diamond Previews, March 2017 edition, and see what new and frightening things are coming that those poseurs just wouldn’t get, maaaaan:
p. 46 – Predator: Hunters #1:
As opposed to “Predator: Cobblers,” or “Predator: Mailmen,” or “Predator: Senior Wastewater Treatment Operators.” …I suspect infrastructure on the Predators’ homeworld is something of a mess.
p. 71 – Lobster Johnson: The Pirate’s Ghost #3:
Now that the menace of the Pirate’s Ghost has been taken care of, I know what I want Lobster Johnson to tackle next…if he can figure out what exactly it is he needs to be tackling:
p. 127 – DC Currents #2:
Finally, a comic book adaptation of “Operation: Sprechenhaltestelle!”
p. 139 – DC Horror: House of Secrets Vol. 1 HC:
Okay, soon as this comes out, someone remind me to update this post with that book and the probably half-dozen other comics/books/quilts I’ve bought with the same danged story.
p. 158 – Ghostbusters Funko Universe:
Looking forward to the Pop! figures Funko will do based on the comic based on their figures. And then the comic based on those Pop! figures, and the figures based on that comic, and on and on until the black hole opens up and swallows us all.
p. 199 – Youngblood #1:
A looooong time ago on this site I cracked wise about whatever iteration of the Youngblood comic was then being published, and the writer sent me a long email griping at me that I actually never finished reading and accidentally (yes, honestly, accidentally) deleted before I could. I won’t have this problem with Chad Bowers, who’s a Twitter pal and thus his responses to my dumb comments will be restricted to 140-character chunks that I’ll be able to more easily consume.
p. 200 – Spawn #1 25th Anniversary Director’s Cut:
Maybe we’ll finally find out why the caption “His hell-cape…ADVANTAGEOUS!” was cut.
p. 283 – Trump Vs. Time Lincoln:
Sure, you laugh now, but the way things have been, this comic could very well turn out to be a documentary.
p. 283 – Bark’s Groot Beer T-Shirt:
It seems like this is just straight-up a Marvel Comics shirt not from Marvel Comics. I mean, is it just parody enough for them to get away with it? I honestly don’t understand.
p. 307 – Jim Henson’s The Power of the Dark Crystal #4:
“Look, Jim Henson’s Dinosaurs: Season Five has the Sinclair family struggling to survive in their new frozen world….”
“Mike, please stop calling our offices.”
p. 330 – Swordquest #0:
“@chadbowers @theisb: Look this comic can be about a young Spike Merling who’s upset that this new Atari game isn’t really any good….”
“@mikesterling: BLOCKED”
p. 370 – The Magical Twins HC:
Okay, I just processed a whole bunch of Catwoman comics at the shop recently, so I think I can hardly be blamed for seeing the phrase “Magical Twins” and having this come to mind:
Nevertheless, I apologize to everyone.
p. 376 – Harvey Hits #1:
Hey, if you guys need any help putting together a themed Harvey anthology, I may have some ideas.
p. 492 – Colossus “Shine” Black T-Shirt:
I wouldn’t wear one of these around the nation’s capital right now, is all I’m sayin’.
p. 518 – Watchmen Vinimates Vinyl Figures:
No Seymour figure, hm? Snubbed again, the poor ginger bastard.
p. 539 – Pop! Godfather Vinyl Figures – Don Vito:
Please please please tell me the rare chase variant has him with the orange peel in his mouth.
p. 540 – Pop! Beauty and the Beast Vinyl Figures:
Boy, these Doctor Who villains just get weirder and weirder.
p. 546 – The Flash TV: The Flash Bust:
Oh c’mon, they just repainted those old Qwardian Thunderer busts.
p. 573 – Disney Hybrid Metal Figuration Figures – Huey Dewey & Louie Set:
Keep an eye out for the rare variant sets with the exclusive Phooey figure.
p. 578 – Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets Dobby 1/6-Scale Action Figure:
Comes with Dobby’s “freedom sock” for his Red Hot Chili Peppers cosplay.
p. 619 – Monopoly Dragon Ball Z Edition Board Game:
“Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass GO. Do not GO OVER 9000!!!”
Wow, a Sprechenhaltestelle joke. I salute your deep cuts.
Wow, Ben Grimm joined Youngblood?
I have to say that those Pop! Beauty and the Beast figures look really nice.
Sadly, I would read a comic about infrastructure problems on the Predator homeworld.
“For my next trick, I’m going to swap my breast and my butt…”
– “p. 46 – Predator: Hunters #1”
Leading into 2018’s event, PREDATOR: GATHERERS!
– “p. 283 – Bark’s Groot Beer T-Shirt”
Barking up the wrong tee?
– “p. 518 – Watchmen Vinimates Vinyl Figures”
“Why am I wearing black pants over my blue heaven?”
– “p. 539 – Pop! Godfather Vinyl Figures – Don Vito”
No horse head accessory??
– “p. 546 – The Flash TV: The Flash Bust”
“Dude, fetish gay pole-dancing is weird.”
– “p. 573 – Disney Hybrid Metal Figuration Figures”
Coming up: HYBRID METAL JACKET – Joker & Animal Mother Set.
– “p. 578 – Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets Dobby”
Ultra-rare “bald gremlin” chase variant.
– “p. 619 – Monopoly Dragon Ball Z Edition Board Game”
The fair-haired, blue-eyed Aryan monopoly?
I bet that Monopoly has the buffest looking thimble ever seen.
I also appreciated the Sprechenhaltestelle gag.
It’s funny, every time I see that House of Secrets cover, I’ve been struck by a sense of familiarity about the woman. Finally thought to google it, and… whoa! Don’t know why I had that sense of recognition–never met her–but still a nifty factoid.
I, too, salute the depth of your cuts, sir.
“Operation: Sprechenhaltestelle.” Damn, that was a long time ago. Such a gloriously silly game.