Mike Sterling's Progressive RuinAlone, unmourned, and unloved since 1969

Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

§ September 5th, 2016 § Filed under End of Civilization § 10 Comments

Yup, that’s me, sitting here with the September 2016 edition of Diamond Previews. You’re probably wondering how I got into this situation. Well, follow along with me in your own copy of Previews and let’s find out together, shall we?

p. 106 – Superman #10:

I know the big joke ever since this cover was released was that everyone thought they looked like they were about to kiss, but it looks more to me like they’re smelling each other.

“Say, Superman, what is that wonderful scent you’re wearing?”

“You smell like eggs, Superboy.”
 
 
p. 149 – Batman the Animated Series Expressions Pack:

Kind of hope they do one of these for the regular DC Universe Batman…a half-dozen slightly different scowling faces, and one with a sardonic grin. Also, turns out the Question Expressions Pack isn’t quite so exciting.
 
 
p. 180 – Sachs & Violens TPB:

Say, remember when Peter David and Todd McFarlane had that spat in the comics press a long time ago, with David criticizing McFarlane about somethin’ or other, and McFarlane responded with a comics sales chart showing Spawn near the top, and David’s Sachs & Violens way below?

Just sayin’ there’s probably not so much of a difference now.
 
 
p. 189 – John Byrne’s Stowaway to the Stars: A Graphic Album to Color:

Hmm…this one character appears to be a Latina. Which color should I use for her hair…which one….
 
 
p. 225 – Spawn #269:

The solicitation description reads, in its entirety, “The SPAWN saga continues!” Creative team is “Todd McFarlane & Friends,” with Covers A and B both featuring art by “To Be Determined.” Oh no, how am I ever going to decide what orders to place on this comic without the necessary relevant information? [enters same number of copies I’ve ordered for Spawn for the last several years]
 
 
p. 238 – The Walking Dead Take It Like A Champ T-Shirt:

Good thing everyone everywhere is absolutely 100% familiar with The Walking Dead in all its forms and thus there’s no chance of anybody ever misconstruing this t-shirt.
 
 
p. 238 – The Walking Dead Lucille 34″ Replica Bat:

Celebrate and reminisce about the brutal bludgeoning-to-death of [REDACTED] in the comics and, I’m guessing, Abraham in the forthcoming season premiere, with this lovely souvenir keepsake! Carry it around with you while wearing your “Take It Like A Champ” t-shirt so everyone knows of your love for The Walking Dead!
 
 
p. 279 – Shark Trek T-Shirt:

Was going to make fun, but I’d be totally for a Captain Kirk vs. Space Sharks movie. Or just rebooting the franchise with the entire Enterprise crew as sharks. Either or.
 
 
p. 334 – Vampirella Bottle Opener:

Now if were making these, they would be in the shape of Vampirella’s head, and her wide-open mouth is where you’d insert the top of the bottle, hooking the fangs beneath the edge of the cap. And then I’d just laugh and laugh and laugh.
 
 
p. 362 – The Overstreet Guide to Collecting Video Games SC:

So I was totally going to make a joke about “I bet they’re going to start slabbing video games CGC-style now, too!” and then I looked it up to see if this actually was happening, and, uh, I’ll just be over here playing my unslabbed copy of Turmoil on my Atari 2600 if you need me.
 
 
p. 364 – The Overstreet Guide to Collecting Movie Posters SC:

“I wonder what my original Revenge of the Jedi poster is worth? Let me look it up.”

[flips through book, finds entry that reads “You don’t have the original, you probably got ripped off.”]
 
 
p. 436 – Faith #5:

“…And anyway, Hillary, I sure hope you like comic books.”

“Uh, Barack? What do you mean by that?”

“Oh, you’ll see. You’ll see.”
 
 
p. 471 – Doctor Who The Twelve Doctors of Christmas HC:

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas, my companion gave to me…
12 sonic sunglasses
11 bowties
10 overcoats
9 leather jackets
8 TV movies
7 Panama hats
6 too many trial episodes
5 CELERY STALKS…!
4 Jelly Babies
3 polarity reversals
2 recorders
and 1 grand daugh-ter…!
 
 
p. 476 – Inside the Magic: The Making of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them HC:

J.K. Rowling, five years from now: “Oh, I forgot to mention, one of the beasts was secretly a robot.” “That one beast I said was blue-colored? Actually green.” “All the beasts had postal boxes in Fairfax, VA…did I not mention that? Oh, silly me.”
 
 
p. 491 – Star Wars “It’s A Trap” Sky Blue Heather T-Shirt:

There is likely a worrying percentage of customers for this shirt who only know it from online shenanigans, and have no clue it’s from a movie. At least, that’s what I’m assuming, since I’m a cranky old Original Star Wars Fan from 1977, Thank You.
 
 
p. 500 – Suicide Squad The Joker Sublimated Premium Crew Socks:

Sure, you may laugh, but I’ll have you know Jared Leto spent weeks wrapping himself around people’s feet and occasionally getting lost in the wash to prepare for this role.
 
 
p. 522 – Tokidoki X Hello Kitty Kittypatra Vinyl Figure:

Comes with just the most adorable asp!
 
 
p. 601 – Batman and Wonder Woman Ceramic Sculpted Mugs:

Part of the “DC Comics Tribute to Brain Surgery” line.
 
 
p. 602 – The Joker Steering Wheel Cover:

Sure, you may laugh, but I’ll have you know Jared Leto spent weeks clinging to a steering wh…huh? I already did this gag? …Sigh, fine.
 
 
p. 603 – Superman 15-Ounce Double Wall Travel Tumbler:

I was wondering when they’d get around to merchandising this image: