Post #4000.

§ June 20th, 2013 § Filed under dc comics § 36 Comments

Batman and Batman – Batman teams up with Batman to fight their arch-nemesis…Batman! Guest-starring Batman!

Swamp Thing Team-Up – Your favorite hero teams up with the rest of the DC Universe in this exciting new title!

Superman and the Flash – Earth’s two fastest heroes compete in race after race, in this dark and terrifying tale of obsession and fierce rivalry!

Justice League: Binky and His Buddies – Binky and pals get into wacky hijinks in each and every issue! Special guest stars: the Justice League!

All-Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder – the only Batman title worth reading returns in an all-new series, and is now part of official continuity! Everyone wins!

Jonah Blechs! – Mad Magazine gets a New 52 makeover in this all-new western-themed parody anthology! Cringe at our new mascot, Alfred E. Hex! Special guest star: Batman…er, I mean, Blech-Man!

O.M.A.C. – screw sales…we’re bringing it back! It’s awesome! Deal with it!

The Legion of Super-Pets – Finally, a Legion title that will sell, starring Krypto the Super-Dog, Comet the Super-Horse, Streaky the Super-Cat, Beppo the Super-Monkey, Proty II, and a timelost-from-the-20th-century Rex the Wonder Dog!

Superman Celebrates the Bicentennial – All new Revolutionary War adventure with Tomahawk! Not guest-starring Superman!

Detectives in Action – Slam Bradley and Congo Bill team up to fight crime, from the darkest city alleys to the deepest jungles!

Superman Dies! – Superman dies in each issue! How does he come back? Read the next issue!

Aquaman – Aquaman beats people up, swears a lot, smokes cigarettes, drives fast cars and gambles! He’s badass, yo!

Atom and the Hawkman – the powerhouse duo team up for another seven issue run!

Superman: The Married Life – we follow Superman through multiple ongoing what if Elseworlds scenarios, as he marries Wonder Woman, Lois Lane, Lana Lang, Lori Lemaris, Lex Luthor, and more!

Fishnets Ahoy! – Paul Dini and Brian Bolland bring you the Zatanna/Black Canary team-up comic you demanded!

Alfred – Batman’s butler gets up to awesome stuff while Bats is out doin’ his thing! You know you’d read this!

Justice League: G.I. Combat – hard-hitting war stories told by today’s top talents! Special guest stars: the Justice League!

Hot Wheels – the classic ’60s DC title returns, featuring the DCU’s most famous vehicles in exciting races! The Batmobile! The Supermobile! The Arrowcar! The Whiz Wagon!

Superboy and Supergirl – Copyrights are just as easily maintained in one title rather than two! Twenty pages filled every month!

Swamp Thing Forever – Len Wein and Bernie Wrightson pick up where they left off on their legendary horror comic!

Justice League: Swamp – Swamp Thing teams up with his predecessors, Alex Olsen Swamp Thing, the one that totally isn’t Man-Thing, the one that totally isn’t…well, okay, it’s the Heap, that awesome trilobite Swamp Thing, and Swamp Knucker just so we can say “Swamp Knucker” on a regular basis!

Dark Mansion of Forbidden Lobo – mysterious gothic romance and plenty of fraggin’ starring the last Czarnian!

Furry of Firestorm – our nuclear-powered hero finally finds a way to connect to his arch-nemesis, the Hyena — via the power of anthropomorphic costuming!

Bat-Mite Incorporated – the extra-dimensional imp sets up business in our world, with new Bat-Mites in every country! Thrill to Monsieur Mite!

Superman Chained – complete mundane daily activities with Superman, doing things that barely involve his powers, in strict six-to-nine panel grids! Sometimes he’ll warm up his coffee with his heat vision!

Birds of Prey Season Two – continuing the fan-favorite WB TV series! Batman still won’t be in it!

Nightwing Swimsuit Spectacular – Dick “Nightwing” Grayson fights crime in the sexiest, most daring swimsuits! The Sling! The Swimjammers! The simply shocking Gun Turret!

Suicide Squid – directly pandering to the few people left who remember comics Usenet! Will probably receive typical direct market sales figures!

Watchmen Plus – a brand-new ongoing series taking place immediately after the award winning graphic novel drawn by Dave Gibbons, and by an endless stream of creators you can add to your boycott lists! Guest-starring David Lloyd’s legendary character V!

Superman’s Weird Stalker Jimmy Olsen – pretty much self-explanatory! The dude made a signal-watch to bother Supes! I mean, c’mon!

Captain Marvel – the Big Red Cheese gets his own title, under his real, actual name! Bring it on, Marvel — try to sue us! We dare you! We’re not scared of Disney!

Justice League of Skeptics – Doctor Thirteen leads his group of skeptics (Randi, Plait, Novella, Wiseman) around the DC Universe, explaining to various superheroes why what they’re doing is actually physically impossible!

Adventures of Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis – updated for the 21st century! Jerry sees a shadowy figure out of the corner of his eye…but when he turns, there’s nothing there! Creepy supernatural mystery!

Superman-Tim – the nigh-forgotten Golden Age title returns in an all-new revamped series, and Superman and his pal Tim Gunn take on the fashion disasters that have spread across the DC Universe!

Sugar Vs. Spike – those plucky toddler pals have grown up to become teenage rivals! And how does junior software magnate Bernie the Brain fit in?

Metal Men – the hardest rockin’ robots of all — will their tour dates take them to your town?

Challengers of the Known – Follow Ace, Haley, Rocky and Red and their continuing struggle against evolution, physics, biology, medical science, climate science, and more!

The Many Deaths of Dobie Gillis – an adult Dobie becomes a rugged and deadly vigilante, taking out criminals that the law can’t touch!

Scooby-Doomsday – what unspeakable events shaped a congenial talking dog into the universe’s most terrifying supervillain? Follow the tale of tragedy in this new ongoing series!

Beware the Creeper – the ongoing anti-heroic adventures of the super-”hero” who behaves really inappropriately towards women! An object lesson for the socially inept!

Teen Titans – Teen Robin! Flannel Flash! Wonder Goth! The heppest, grooviest, new-waviest super-kids in their own happenin’ title! It’s gnarly, daddy-o!

Justice League: Preacher – Jesse Custer moves to the DC Universe and reteams with his best pal, the vampire Cassidy, along with his girlfriend Tulip, as well as special guest star Cyborg, as they battle against the nefarious Captain God and his partner-in-crime, Felix Faust!

Phantom Stranger – the continuing saga of that dude who’s always hanging out, a friend of a friend or something, but never around when you need to, like, move a couch or paint a house or any stuff like that!

Justice League: Deathstroke – the Justice League fights Deathstroke issue after issue after issue, following up on their conflict from Identity Crisis which may or may not have happened, who knows!

The DC Avengers – Marvel’s popular super-team makes its most shocking brand-extension yet — into the DC Universe! Captain America recruits Looker, Blue Beetle, Elongated Man, and Blue Devil into an exciting new fighting force!

Batman and the Justice League – Batman takes on the role of headmaster at the Justice League School of Super-Heroing! Guest-starring Batman and the Justice League!

The New Green Lantern – based on the hit movie starring Ryan Reynolds! Will Sinestro go bad? Will that giant cloud-Parallax-thingie seek revenge? Will Hector Hammond continue screeching unpleasantly? Read this series and find out!

The Omega Men – Primus and his crew find themselves on a far-flung future Earth, fighting a world of vampires!

The Water No Longer Flows – a sensitive and informative biographical tale of a young man struggling through poverty and the loss of his family and friends in a war-torn Third World country. Special guest star: Booster Gold!

Superman’s Trunks – Superman’s little red pants make their triumphant return in this ongoing solo series!

Justice League: New Gods – okay, maybe THIS time it’ll stick! We’ll make some real money on these Kirby characters yet!

Wonder Woman – all-ages adventures featuring Wonder Woman fighting super-villains in bright, colorful and fun stories! …Hey, might as well dream big!

36 Responses to “Post #4000.”

  • Casie says:

    Brilliant, Mike!

    One Alfred please! :)

  • Tom Cherry says:

    I love how your mind works, Mike Sterling!

  • Master Mahan says:

    I want Alfred to be a real comic. Come on, if Lois and Jimmy can support their own titles, why can’t Alfred?

  • esteban says:

    I actually found myself saying “I’d read that” more reading this hilarious post than any DC solicit from the past few years… can you please just run DC? It would finally be fun again.

  • Randy Jackson says:

    That Wonder Woman comic will never happen–a Wonder Woman comic being fun? Why that’s just crazy talk.

    I would likely prefer all of these to what DC’s currently putting out.

    But really, it can’t just be Alfred. Gotta include Jarvis too. Together, they fight crime!

  • philfromgermany says:

    I’d buy too many of these.
    I would love the Challengers of the “Known” tackle known problems such as applications, forms and other malignant growths of bureaucracy… :D

  • Old Bull Lee says:

    I would actually be fascinated hearing Tim Gunn critique superhero costumes.

  • ExistentialMan says:

    The Water No Longer Flows sounds intriguing. I heard Booster passes a kidney stone in issue #4.

  • Scott says:

    Sold! Which issue of Previews are these in?

  • David Thiel says:

    There are at least four of these I’d buy right now…which is four more than I’m currently buying with the (sadly) real New 52.

    And I had to look up “Superman-Tim.” I’m surprised that Grant Morrison didn’t work him into Action Comics.

  • kidnicky says:

    Old bull- there was a youtube series where gunn critiqued comic book character’s fashions.

  • Rob S. says:

    Astounding, sir!

  • Rob says:

    Sugar vs. Spike is kind of amazing. Sign me up!

  • Adam Farrar says:

    Very fun! I’d read a many of these!
    Superman-Tim was completely new to me as well so thanks for that.
    I would have guessed that The DC Avengers would star the Champions of Angor or The Americans.

  • Bully says:

    These are all fantastic! And congrats on post #4000!

  • Ivan T. W. says:

    I’d read Fishnets Ahoy.

  • Casey says:

    Justice League of Skeptics was my favorite.

  • Walaka says:

    Didn’t Slam Bradley and Congo Bill really meet in Detective #500?

    Congrats, Mike, and best wishes for the future.

  • Ty Myrick says:

    God, I would buy so many of those!

  • Adam says:

    Batman and Batman seems okay, but I’ll wait for Batman! Batman! Batman! The series starring Green Lantern Batman, the Russian Batman from Mars and Regular-ass Batman. With a gun.

  • Employee Aaron says:

    hahahahaha oh man i wish oh i wish that was the real DCU currently. they should give you all the money mister mike. seriously i would read superman dies!

  • Interstate Shogun says:

    Me (walking into store): Mike, my good man, what’cha got here that’s good?
    Mike: well, we got BatmanBatmanBatmanBatmanJusticeLeagueBatman. That’s real good.
    Me: eh, too much Justice League. What else ya got?
    Mike: well, there’s BatmanBatmanBatmanSupermanDeathmatchBatman…one of them really dies at the end!
    Me: Meh, I need more Batman. I don’t want this watered down crap.
    Mike: sigh. Well, for the “purists” (rolls eyes), there’s BatmanBatmanBatman. That one’s got plenty of Batman in it.
    Me: Sold! I’ll take it! Say, is there a good place to eat around here?
    Mike: couple doors down there’s a diner. They just sell mostly Spam though. Bleh.
    Me: hmm, I’ll have to check that out…..

  • ed says:

    Dark Mansion of Forbidden Lobo.

    yes, please.

  • Robert in New Orleans says:

    I also approve of the new Alfred series. I could envision a mini actually selling well if it’s done by Darwyn Cooke. DC please make this happen.

  • Roel Torres says:

    Wow! Awesome post, Mikester — those are some FANTASTIC ideas! Love it, love it, love it!

  • Sarah says:

    Suicide Squid. Thanks, Mike, now I know I’m really old.

  • Wriphe says:

    Post #4000? Big deal.

    We all know you’re just going to start the blog over with a second volume that will reset the numbering. Therefore, about the time we would expect post #5000 to be rolling around, you’ll ask us to pay three times as much for a commemorative, double-sized post #19.

    Nice way to treat your loyal readers, jerk.

  • I hope they recruit Brother Power, The Geek to act as a Snapper Carr-type in Justice League: Swamp.

  • Jack says:

    I’d read the hell out of Justice League: Preacher.

  • I couldn’t even tell you the last time I bought a new DC comic, but I would get most of those in a heartbeat! nicely done!

  • Max says:

    I didn’t see the book where a new creative team comes in every issue as the old one walks out in frustrated disgust. :)

  • Bill Reed says:

    The Alfred series should really be titled “Batman’s batman, Alfred!”

  • Rod Keith says:

    Scooby-Doomsday? Brilliant, sir.

  • Le Roi says:

    Wizard Magazine sez Justice League: Deathstroke is already worth $30.
    How many more should I buy?

  • Acelister says:

    So many, but Superman/The Flash’s description is my favourite.