Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

§ April 26th, 2012 § Filed under End of Civilization § 27 Comments

Don’t let my reduced posting schedule fool you…I’m still keeping tabs on the End of Civilization, which should be ending, oh…any time now, I think. Please dress appropriately. Anyway, pop open your copy of Diamond Previews, the May 2012 edition, and let us observe the wonders as they pass before us:

p. 96 – Superman #11:


It’s terrible. …Next question?

p. 152 – Before Watchmen: Rorschach Statue:


“There he was, just walkin’ down the street
Singin’ ‘hrm hurm hurmy hurmy hrm hurmy hurm.'”

p. 154 – Ame-Comi Heroine Series Arisia PVC Figure:


Somehow this makes that whole storyline where Hal Jordan enters a relationship with Arisia after she uses her ring to age herself from adolescence to adulthood even worse.

p. 158 – Jericho Season 4 #1:


You know, if I wait long enough, I’ll finally get that Otherworld: Season Two comic book series that I’ve been waiting for. JUST YOU WATCH.

p. 169 – Star Trek The Next Generation/Doctor Who: Assimilation2:


This issue: The Fourth Doctor meets Captain Kirk! Next issue: the Peter Cushing Doctor Who meets the post-reboot Enterprise crew!

p. 236 – Glamourpuss #26:


And now, exhibit A in how it’s hard to explain why I like this comic:

“It’s Zootanapuss vs. Cosplay Lass and her Kosupure Kaos Posse. Who will win? Can Bunny face down Mr. Rat, da Killa Chinchilla? Toma dis Kitty put you in a coma? QT McWhiskers, yo butt be will kiskers? Also in the History of Photorealism in Comics, Dave Sim continues to compare the various versions of the September 6, 1956 car accident that claimed the life of Alex Raymond.”

God bless you, Dave. You keep printin’ it, I’ll keep readin’ it.

p. 357 – DC Super Pets: Swamp Thing vs. Zombie Pets TP:


Yes I’m getting it shut up it’s beautiful

p. 374 – Watchmen Dr. Manhattan Symbol T-Shirt:


AHEM.

p. 386 – Star Wars Death Star Magnetic Bottle Opener:


Admiral Motti: “This bottle opener is now the ultimate power in the universe! I suggest we use it!”

Darth Vader: “Don’t be too proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed. The ability to pop open a Bud is insignificant next to the potential of the Force.”

Admiral Motti: “Dude, c’mon, just toss me a bottle from the cooler. You’re standing right there.”

p. 398 – Yummy Black & White Cookie Plush:


Kirk: “You’re black on one side and white on the other.”

Yummy Black & White Cookie Plush: “I am black on the right side.”

Kirk: “I fail to see the significant difference.”

Yummy Black & White Cookie Plush: “He is white on the right side. All of his people are white on the right side. Clearly I am yummier.”

p. 411 – Star Trek USS Enterprise Plush:


“Captain, our ship has been converted to a…squishy material via as-yet-unknown means, and we are being grasped by a giant hand.”

“…”

“Captain?”

“…What is this? Fourth season? Fifth? What’s happened to our scripts? …Oh, for the days of ‘Spock’s Brain.'”

p. 419 – Harry Potter Mechanical Death Eater:


You know, someone out there is, by default, the World’s Biggest Mechanical Death Eater Fan. Probably without even knowing it.

p. 419 – Green Lantern Movie Prop Ring:


Replica prop ring: $35. Actual ring worn in the film: Oh, I don’t know, maybe $50 or so. …How ’bout $45?

p. 426 – The Relic: Kathoga Creature Pre-Built Model:


Is this is a good time to complain that Agent Pendergast got screwed out of appearing in this film? …No? Okay.

p. 427 – Star Wars Death Trooper Statue:


…I’ve been sitting here for more than a few minutes trying to think of a gag for this thing and…well, words fail me, apparently. Is it not enough simply that this exists?

p. 434 – Disney Mickey Mouse Ultra Detail Figures:


I’m going to assume, for no good reason, this is a Mickey Mouse version of the Tron Guy. Maybe a Mickey Mouse version of this fella can be next.

p. 452 – Crusty Zombie Toenails Snack:


Is there like a contest to see just how gross a name you can but on a food item and still get people to eat it? There was like “Dried Zombie Skin,” and various drinks pretending to be blood, and there’s Soylent Green Crackers on the same page as this toenails thing. “So, wha’cha eating?” “Oh, just some Intestinal Choco-Pellets.” “…Excuse me, going to throw up.” “‘Throw-ups?’ I have a bag of those, too!” “…Urp!

p. 462 – Spider-Man 14″ Super Deformed Plush:


I swear, at first glance I thought this was a Spider-Man head resting on top of a hand, like our old pal Cranius. …That would make shooting his webbing a bit awkward, I’d bet.

Marvel Previews p. 11 – Wolverine and the X-Men #14:


…Why, with Japanese-Porn Man, of course!

Marvel Previews p. 45 – Space Punisher #1:


…That’ll do, Marvel. That’ll do.

27 Responses to “Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.”

  • Niel J. says:

    good to know we both had the same idea regarding that WATXM cover.

  • Snark Shark says:

    ““There he was, just walkin’ down the street
    Singin’ ‘hrm hurm hurmy hurmy hrm hurmy hurm.”

    LOL!

  • Snark Shark says:

    “Space Punisher #1″

    In Space, No ONe Can Hear You Shoot Lots of Scumbags.

  • Zeb says:

    Is Superman going…commando under that costume?!

  • De says:

    Did the Mafia move their operations into outer space? Whether the Punisher is fighting space crime or not, I’m in.

  • Chris Haynes says:

    I’d always defended the new Superman costume until now.

    UNTIL…NOW.

  • Jer says:

    Finally I get to teach my 5 year old about Swamp Thing and the perils of undead pets! And who would have ever thought that I might be able to do it with the same book? Thanks DC!

    (More DC Super-pets books? SOLD! I think those are my 5 year old’s favorite books right now).

  • Chris G says:

    Rorschach digs this day!

  • Bill Reed says:

    Okay, that Rorschach gags wins the internet for today.

  • IvoryTower says:

    RE: Superman – It looks like someone thought that image of Peter/Spiderman looked SO GOOD they had to do it again.

    RE: Kitty Pryde – That is not a happy expression. That is a ‘my god, what are you wearing?!’ expression. …though you could claim she’s going on a blind date.

  • swamp mark says:

    Thanx for the heads-up on Swampy vs. zombie pets.I don’t know what I’d do without you,Mike!Guess I’ll need two copies of this so I can give one to my five year old nephew.Can’t wait to see the look on my sister-in law’s face when I explain what a zombie is to him.No wonder I’m the favorite uncle!

  • Funkula says:

    Leo Strut is definitely a good match for the Rorschach statue, although my first thought was “Haters Gonna Hate”.

  • Todd says:

    That Death Trooper moonlights as a Master Thespian.

  • CW says:

    Oh my goodness, an Otherworld reference! I thought I was the only one who remembered that show … :)

  • philip says:

    In a weird way, I’m glad Superman’s costume redesign happened, just so I could read your two-word distillation of its many problems.

    Seriously, are they going “alien symbiote” on us now? I would be tempted to buy the book for their chutzpah alone.

  • Anonymous says:

    >>> p. 357 – DC Super Pets: Swamp Thing vs. Zombie Pets TP:

    >>> Yes I’m getting it shut up it’s beautiful

    What’s that I’m hearing? Is that the sound of what’s left of poor Rich Handley’s mind exploding? Yes, I think it is….

  • Anonymous says:

    >>> Marvel Previews p. 45 – Space Punisher #1

    Punisher In Space. Because Newt Gingrich demanded it!
    What next? Planet Punisher? Punisher Annihilation?

  • oh superman didn’t recharge his costume again did he?

  • Jaq says:

    Is it sad that I looked at the Glamourpuss cover and knew instantly that the character who is being called Cosplay Lass is dressed as Lulu from Final Fantasy X?

    Yes, yes I think it’s sad.

  • Dan Latta says:

    Budweisers are twist-offs.

  • Mikester says:

    Maybe in your galaxy!

  • Evan Waters says:

    I like a lot of the titles IDW publishes, but the various zombies/cyborgs/Cthulhu crossovers are getting kind of tiresome.

  • Robert in New Orleans says:

    Holy Mother of…..!

    I’m not sure my mind can grasp the concept that the world that Peter Pan guy lives in is MY WORLD, TOO!

    It’s good that his website is dated 2001; he’s probably flown off to Neverland for keeps by now.

  • I think the producers of that movie realized YEARS ago that they screwed THEMSELVES by leaving Pendergast out of the film.

    “I don’t really ‘get’ this Pendergast guy. He’s not relatable; he’s not marketable. Let’s just write him out.”

    Ten Years Later: “Preston and Childs turned RELIC into a series of best-selling novels! … featuring … that guy we wrote out … as the main character. *SOB, CHOKE!*”

    I half-suspect that P&C did that deliberately to get back at the movie producers for the hack job they did on the novel. I mean, come on, giving away the twist ending in the FIRST FIVE MINUTES of the MOVIE?

  • John 2.0 says:

    I can’t believe that I have to admit this, but Death Troopers was an Extended Universe Star Wars Novel. It’s about an experimental bio weapon that gets loose inside a star destroyer and turns all the Stormtroopers into zombies.

    The book is maybe 2 or 3 years old, but it was a big deal when it was released. It came out right before Halloween. I listened to the audiobook, and all I really remember is that it played like some sort of weird J-Horror/Star Wars mash-up. I have no idea why they would release a statue of it now.

  • Mikester says:

    John 2.0 – Oh, I remember that book…I think they’ve even put out a sequel, or at least have one in the works, which might explain the existence of this thing.