Don’t let my reduced posting schedule fool you…I’m still keeping tabs on the End of Civilization, which should be ending, oh…any time now, I think. Please dress appropriately. Anyway, pop open your copy of Diamond Previews, the May 2012 edition, and let us observe the wonders as they pass before us:
p. 96 – Superman #11:
It’s terrible. …Next question?
p. 152 – Before Watchmen: Rorschach Statue:
“There he was, just walkin’ down the street
Singin’ ‘hrm hurm hurmy hurmy hrm hurmy hurm.’”
p. 154 – Ame-Comi Heroine Series Arisia PVC Figure:
Somehow this makes that whole storyline where Hal Jordan enters a relationship with Arisia after she uses her ring to age herself from adolescence to adulthood even worse.
p. 158 – Jericho Season 4 #1:
You know, if I wait long enough, I’ll finally get that Otherworld: Season Two comic book series that I’ve been waiting for. JUST YOU WATCH.
p. 169 – Star Trek The Next Generation/Doctor Who: Assimilation2:
This issue: The Fourth Doctor meets Captain Kirk! Next issue: the Peter Cushing Doctor Who meets the post-reboot Enterprise crew!
p. 236 – Glamourpuss #26:
And now, exhibit A in how it’s hard to explain why I like this comic:
“It’s Zootanapuss vs. Cosplay Lass and her Kosupure Kaos Posse. Who will win? Can Bunny face down Mr. Rat, da Killa Chinchilla? Toma dis Kitty put you in a coma? QT McWhiskers, yo butt be will kiskers? Also in the History of Photorealism in Comics, Dave Sim continues to compare the various versions of the September 6, 1956 car accident that claimed the life of Alex Raymond.”
God bless you, Dave. You keep printin’ it, I’ll keep readin’ it.
p. 357 – DC Super Pets: Swamp Thing vs. Zombie Pets TP:
Yes I’m getting it shut up it’s beautiful
p. 374 – Watchmen Dr. Manhattan Symbol T-Shirt:
p. 386 – Star Wars Death Star Magnetic Bottle Opener:
Admiral Motti: “This bottle opener is now the ultimate power in the universe! I suggest we use it!”
Darth Vader: “Don’t be too proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed. The ability to pop open a Bud is insignificant next to the potential of the Force.”
Admiral Motti: “Dude, c’mon, just toss me a bottle from the cooler. You’re standing right there.”
p. 398 – Yummy Black & White Cookie Plush:
Kirk: “You’re black on one side and white on the other.”
Yummy Black & White Cookie Plush: “I am black on the right side.”
Kirk: “I fail to see the significant difference.”
Yummy Black & White Cookie Plush: “He is white on the right side. All of his people are white on the right side. Clearly I am yummier.”
p. 411 – Star Trek USS Enterprise Plush:
“Captain, our ship has been converted to a…squishy material via as-yet-unknown means, and we are being grasped by a giant hand.”
“…What is this? Fourth season? Fifth? What’s happened to our scripts? …Oh, for the days of ‘Spock’s Brain.’”
p. 419 – Harry Potter Mechanical Death Eater:
You know, someone out there is, by default, the World’s Biggest Mechanical Death Eater Fan. Probably without even knowing it.
p. 419 – Green Lantern Movie Prop Ring:
Replica prop ring: $35. Actual ring worn in the film: Oh, I don’t know, maybe $50 or so. …How ’bout $45?
p. 426 – The Relic: Kathoga Creature Pre-Built Model:
Is this is a good time to complain that Agent Pendergast got screwed out of appearing in this film? …No? Okay.
p. 427 – Star Wars Death Trooper Statue:
…I’ve been sitting here for more than a few minutes trying to think of a gag for this thing and…well, words fail me, apparently. Is it not enough simply that this exists?
p. 434 – Disney Mickey Mouse Ultra Detail Figures:
I’m going to assume, for no good reason, this is a Mickey Mouse version of the Tron Guy. Maybe a Mickey Mouse version of this fella can be next.
p. 452 – Crusty Zombie Toenails Snack:
Is there like a contest to see just how gross a name you can but on a food item and still get people to eat it? There was like “Dried Zombie Skin,” and various drinks pretending to be blood, and there’s Soylent Green Crackers on the same page as this toenails thing. “So, wha’cha eating?” “Oh, just some Intestinal Choco-Pellets.” “…Excuse me, going to throw up.” “‘Throw-ups?’ I have a bag of those, too!” “…Urp!”
p. 462 – Spider-Man 14″ Super Deformed Plush:
I swear, at first glance I thought this was a Spider-Man head resting on top of a hand, like our old pal Cranius. …That would make shooting his webbing a bit awkward, I’d bet.
Marvel Previews p. 11 – Wolverine and the X-Men #14:
…Why, with Japanese-Porn Man, of course!
Marvel Previews p. 45 – Space Punisher #1:
…That’ll do, Marvel. That’ll do.