Came across a few of these while going through some boxes at the store:
“Do you have a small metal pin with a close-up of Cyclops’ grimacing, visorless face in a snowstorm?” “Why, as a matter o’fact….”
BEHOLD: cloisonné stubble:
That may have been too much
detail, but on the other hand…granted, this next pin’s actual size is only about an inch tall, so there’s only so much detail they can put in. Still, Cable’s near-featureless face and its soul-sucking gaping maw are just plain creepy:
“Limited to 2,500″ says the back of this next pin:
I’m pretty sure they did pins for the other covers, too, but I sure hope they did an extra-wide pin for the fold-out version
Here’s a neat little item that just happened to fall out of one of the comics in a collection I was processing: a 1997 promo mini-folder (measuring about 4 1/2 inches wide) for DC’s various JLA-related projects:
Oh, the Electric Superman
costume…we had no idea how good we had it as far as alternate Superman costumes go.
On the back of the little folder thingie is a shot of the Evil Justice League:
…and I know I joked in the subject of this post that there’s no real difference between the two Aquamen, but…J’onn J’onzz and Kyle Rayner aren’t that much different aside from the skull motifs and Evil Kyle’s spiky hair (a universal sign of evil, natch). That giant creepy smile on Evil Batman though…holy crow.
Inside the folder was JLA project-plugging ahoy:
“Hey, ‘July’ sorta sounds like ‘JLA’ if, you know, you…uh, mispronounce it.” “BRILLIANT!
That’s our month…get those fliers printed!”
Don’t be afraid, boys and ghouls…it’s only me, your old pal the Ruin Keeper, with a scary look into the forbidden tome of Diamond Previews, the…um, the November 2011 edition. …Ah, heck, Halloween’s over, isn’t it? Rats. I suppose it’s still a frightening time for turkeys, but that’s not quite the same, really. Anyway, follow along in your own copy of Previews…if you DARE. Ah HA HA HA HA! (cough)
p. 61 – Marvel Classic Character Fantastic Four #3 – Human Torch:
“Please enjoy my fully-enclosing corduroy body suit with back-flares…ladies
p. 120 – DC Comics Presents the New 52 #1:
Oh, no, DC…please, put out another
reprint of Swamp Thing
#1. I’m not so weak that I’ll keep picking ‘em up as you dash ‘em out, not at all.
p. 123 – Power Girl: Old Friends TP:
Okay, between my initial misinterpretation with the last one
, and the title of this
one, I’m having real difficulty not reading the titles of these Power Girl
trades as euphemisms for her breasts. Yes, I know
this makes me a terrible person, I’m sorry
p. 147 – Cobra Annual 2012: The Origin of Cobra Commander:
The image had
to be classified, else Cobra Commander’s secret obsession with his Kermit the Frog and chicken handpuppets would stand revealed.
p. 160 – Star Trek #5 contest:
In short, the winner of the contest (who would write in explaining which retailer s/he’d take a phaser shot for) would get to be “red shirt” on this cover here, while the retailer would be the commanding officer in the background getting saved by the customer’s sacrifice.
Pretty sure my customers wouldn’t take a phaser shot for me. They know I sold pogs, after all…they’d probably gang up and throw me to the Romulans.
p. 219 – Keep on Troopin’ T-Shirt:
Now I’m picturing Mr. Natural fighting Darth Vader in a lightsaber duel. Somewhere, Robert Crumb sheds a single tear.
p. 219 – Nazi Zombies #1:
p. 334 – X-Men “Don’t Trouble Us” Gold Preview Exclusive T-Shirt:
Actually, I think I’d rather have that “Classic Mutants” logo whipped up for this solicitation on a shirt.
p. 348-9 – Marvel Minimates Series 43 Mini-Figure 2-Packs:
I can’t help but feel this slightly undermines the gravitas of the original story.
p. 352 – Canman X 8-Inch Vinyl Figures:
This will go well with my series of Graffiti Cleaning Team action figures.
p. 366 – Pocahontas 1/4-Scale Statue:
“This 19″ tall statue […] complete with a magnetic removeable top….”
Finally, a way to get kids interested in history again…statuettes of famous folks with magnetic removable tops! Marie Curie, Florence Nightingale, Teddy Roosevelt…the possibilities are endless.
p. 371 – Steampunk Multi-Gear Necklace & Earrings:
Ah, yes, from the “That One Drawer in Dad’s Old Toolbox out in The Garage” Collection.
p. 380 – Disney X Roen Collection: Grunge Rock Mickey Vinyl Collector Doll:
Son of a gun! All apologies for this joke, but does it come in a heart-shaped box? This kind of thing gives me an aneurysm. It just drains you. You know? Even a sliver of this stuff is just too much. Just stay away with that crap.
I — you know what, nevermind.
p. 386 – Star Wars Darth Vader CD Boombox:
I kind of want this, though it disturbs me to think about a Darth Vader that could flip back the top of his head to yank out compact discs (or remove discs from other parts of his body) to throw at people, sorta like CD Head from Hellraiser 3
p. 397 – Kick Ass Coffee Mugs:
As previously featured
in End of Civilization, the Kick Ass mugs have apparently been delayed from their original solicitation and are being offered again. Without, however, the “It’s ******** Clobbering Time!” mug, which perhaps caused Marvel to have a word or two with the Kick Ass licensing folks.
The “You Are A ******* P**SY” mug does seem to be a bit confrontational. And is it supposed to be, y’know, aimed at other people in the office, telling them that they are the “******* P**S[S*ES]” in question, or is it some kind of reverse-psychology motivator for the owner of the mug, telling him to man up and finally tell that j*ck*ff in Accounting what he really thinks of him? Who can say. Who can truly ******* say.
p. 399 – The Smurfs Tynies Glass Figurines:
Each one only one inch (or two half-inch apples) tall (even Gargamel)…now look even more
like hideous grubs that will burrow under your skin and feed off your blood. AAAA SMURFS ALL OVER ME GET THEM OFF
p. 410 – Cthulhu Tentacle Plush:
NOT A SEX TOY…ah, who am I kidding. Totally
a sex toy.
p. 410 – Monopoly Futurama Collector’s Edition Board Game:
Do not pass GO, do bite my shiny metal…oh, wait, there’s a “bite my shiny metal ass” gag in the actual solicitation. Ah, this time, you
have the upper hand, Diamond Previews
, but things will be different when next we meet. Oh yes.
p. 410 – Monopoly Star Trek Klingon Collector’s Edition Board Game:
Do not pass Sto-vo-kor
, do not ‘ay’vamDaq nuHmey tIQeq
p. 414 – Grant Morrison Talking with Gods Special Edition DVD:
“…Includes over 3 and a half hours of new material, including […] Grant teaching viewers how to summon the News Gods at home.”
Presumably that’s a typo, and they meant “New Gods,” unless Grant’s actually presenting his elaborate masturbation-magick ritual to summon the spirit of Walter Cronkite, and I’m not sure the world is quite ready for that.
Marvel Previews p. 63 – Wolverine #300:
Ah, hell, let’s just put any ol’ number on the comics now. Not like anyone’s gonna be able to figure this all out a century from now anyway…if anyone’s still going to care. Or, heck, let’s just do away with issue numbers entirely
. We can just go by dates. It’s good enough for Newsweek
(though it could be a bit embarrassing if there’s another one of these situations