Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

§ March 3rd, 2011 § Filed under End of Civilization § 19 Comments

Well, if you’ve been waiting for the onslaught of Green Lantern merchandising crap to begin, this is your lucky month, friends! I barely even touch upon all the GL stuff in today’s EoC entry, but trust me, there’s plenty. Like, the GL board game that’s basically just Trouble, complete with Pop-O-Matic, but with Green Lantern pictures all over it. Or the game where, apparently, you shoot marbles at little Green Lantern stand-ups. Crazy, man. Anyway, see for yourself as you follow along in your March 2011 edition of Diamond Previews:

p. 113 – Aquaman Death of a Prince TP:

Seems like an odd thing to be reprinting, unless DC is gearing up for the Aquababy: Rebirth mini-series.

p. 116 – Power Girl Bomb Squad TP:

So I was just doing my initial glance-through of the catalog when I saw this solicitation out of the corner of my eye. I immediately registered “Power Girl” and “Squad” in the title, but I’ll give you one guess what I briefly, shamefully, misread “Bomb” as. Go on, guess.

p. 136-7 – Green Lantern (Movie) 1:4 Scale Hal Jordan & Sinestro Deluxe Busts:

“No one will be admitted during the thrilling Jello-wrestling scene.”

p. 243 – Crossed Psychopath #4:

Reasonably certain it takes about as long to read the solicitation text as it does the actual comic.

p. 316 – Clint #9:

Well, issue #3 was close, but I think this is the first cover to fully exploit the primary reason this magazine was called Clint.

p. 349 – Green Lantern Movie Young Reader Books:

“And then there was that time Arisia and I were in love…sure, she made herself look older with her ring, but she was actually just about your age, boys and girls!”

p. 353 – The Transformers Vault HC:

Oh, so there’s where Megan Fox went.

p. 354 – The Seven Spiritual Laws of Superheroes HC:

Ooh, I sure hope the word “quantum” is thrown around a lot in this book.

p. 378 – Family Guy Slammers:

Saw the title for this solicitation, and thought, for one horrible moment, that this was actually an ad for Family Guy POGs. Maybe it’s just a non-sequitur reference to the years-ago POGs craze, but what are the chances of a Family Guy-related thing doing that?

p. 389 – Iggy Pop 7-Inch Action Figure:

“More lifelike than the real thing!”

p. 392 – Thor Movie Deluxe Series 2 Action Figures:

I suspect we’ll get some kind of explanation for what’s going on here eventually. Frankly, I’m not sure I want to know.

p. 397 – Doctor Who Weeping Angel Mini-Bust:

If you have any children in your household who are Doctor Who fans, this would be the worst thing to buy them. Trust me on this. Unless, of course, you don’t much like your kids.

p. 405 – Star Wars Silicon Trays Han Solo in Carbonite & R2D2:

These ice cube trays would go nicely with my refrigerator’s built-in crushed ice Hoth Snowscape simulator.

p. 411 – Seven Deadly Sins Resin Statues:

This’ll make Show ‘n’ Tell at the private Catholic school a whole lot more interesting.

p. 417 – Green Lantern Movie Paperweights:

Finally, I have a way to keep my copy of Green Lantern #1 (1941) from being blown off my desk by sudden gusts of wind! Because if it’s one thing comic fans are going to want a paperweight for….

p. 418 – Green Lantern Movie Projection Ring:

I think what I like most about this ring is just how understated it is, what with its ONE FOOT HEIGHT.

p. 433 – Green Lantern Saves Earth Movie Board Game:

Dude, spoiler warning, please!

p. 440 – Doctor Who The Movie Special Edition DVD:

For those of you who didn’t like this when it originally aired in 1995, here’s your chance to not like it again! (And too bad, gang…it’s canon!)

Marvel Previews p. 76 – Marvel Select Red Skull Movie Figure:

Well, it’s nice that Voldemort found work now that the Harry Potter movies are finished filming.

Marvel Previews p. 96 – Rocket Raccoon Guardian of the Keystone Quadrant Premiere HC:

You know, I’m pretty sure this is absolutely the last thing I expected Marvel to reprint in hardco…

p. 101 – Trouble by Mark Millar Premiere HC:

…hold on. Spoke too soon.

19 Responses to “Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.”

  • Dorian says:

    “And then there was that time Arisia and I were in love…sure, she made herself look older with her ring, but she was actually just about your age, boys and girls!”

    It’s scary how clearly I can hear this in Ryan Reynolds’ voice

  • Roger Green says:

    CLiNT – yeah, saw that even before your narrative. Yeesh.

  • Todd Gray says:

    I hate that I bought that over-sized ANNIHILATION: CLASSIC hardcover a few years ago solely for the fact that they reprinted the Rocket Raccoon mini-series in it and I was certain it wouldn’t ever get reprinted in any other format. D’OH!!!

  • Joe Williams says:

    Iggy Pop action figure?
    I’m not sure I like Barbie’s new boyfriend.

  • Robert Skill says:

    I don’t know…I am even more surprised that Marvel is printing the first nine issues of VENUS. I mean, the series certainly has a following (I love it), but that is due to issues #13-19, when it turned into a horror comic (the goddess of love comes to Earth, and spends her time fighting vampires and zombies–sure, why not?) and was turned over to the mad genius Bill Everett. The early issues, when it was a romance/humor comic–there is not nearly so much interest in those. I expect this volume to sell poorly, with the result that Marvel decides not to bother with a second volume. In other words, I fear that once again a worthwhile project is going to be undermined by the OCD so prevalent in the comics world (i.e., the insistence on completism at all costs).

  • David C says:

    I’m looking forward to that Aquaman collection, actually.

  • A.L. Baroza says:

    Aunt May is bootylicious!

  • philip says:

    I am also looking forward to that Aquaman collection. Looks like some Jim Aparo goodness (on the cover at least) from the era, I think, when DC wasn’t so crossed-up about what to do with the character.

    And is it wrong that I want to know what all the things are that “Gluttony” is perched atop? It’s wrong, isn’t it?

  • Andres says:

    Add me to the “I’m picking up that Aquaman trade” list.

  • Actually, those “Frozen Hal” ice cubes look kinda decent and in an odd way, makes sense.

  • CW says:

    I was hoping that Power Girl Bomb Squad TP was actually a Power Girl/Bomb Queen cross-over … ;)

  • Dean says:

    Han Solo frozen in carbonite ice cubes. Sometimes you don’t realize your life is missing something until you see it in front of you.

  • Brad says:

    You’re not alone Mike – I was horrified to be told a young relative wanted “slammers” for his Birthday, until someone clued me in that that’s the general term for those plush toys with soundboxes that only make noise when you hurl them at things.

  • Cole Moore Odell says:

    Those Aquaman comics are awesome–Aparo at his mid-70s best, right on the heels of his Spectre series. I think the big news here is that DC is clearly moving into reprinting a bunch of the 70s and early 80s material that has previously been off-limits due to the royalties situation. Along with the late golden age, that period has been a dead zone for DC reprints forever, and it’s great to see some memorable runs from the era start to be reclaimed.

  • quakenaked says:

    Oh, if that Weeping Angel mini-bust weren’t $55, I would totally buy it and send if off (with no return address and in creepy wrapping) to a buddy of mine who would open the package and probably scream his head off. Then call me and yell for twenty minutes.

    And it would be awesome.

    And, is there a GL movie coming out? I hadn’t heard!

  • Garrett says:

    The Weeping Angels description made me spit-take my coffee. My screen is vexed.

  • Bear says:

    A hard-cover collection of a four issue mini series? Really?

  • Josh says:

    You thought they were reviving Power Girl’s first team, the “Super Squad”?

  • Hal Shipman says:

    Yeah, I’ll be getting that Aquaman. I started following modern DC right after that and have never read those stories.