This entire post seems far dirtier than it actually is.
Well, let me explain this Twitter post, then.
So I’m at the back of the store, in the process of sorting out some books, when I happen to look up and see a young woman, blonde in about her mid-20s, standing outside and peering through our front window. She sees me, and gives a brief but cheerful wave. I kinda half-heartedly wave back, before I think “oh, wait, she’s probably waving at someone else in the store,” but I look around and see no one else reacting. I then think “well, that was weird,” and go back to what I was doing.
That young woman then enters the store and asks for “Dark Phoenix comics. Do you have any Dark Phoenix comics? She’s totally my gal and I want to read up on her.”
“Yeah, sure,” sez I, and I go to the shelf and find her a copy of the Dark Phoenix Saga trade paperback.
“Do you mind if I thumb through it?” she asks. “Feel free,” I reply.
I return to the back of the store to continue my sorting. The young woman flips through the book for a couple of minutes, and then heads to the register, where Employee Aaron is manning the post. She tells him “Can you hold this for me, I’ll be back for it later today.” Aaron says that’d be fine, and before she hands it over to him, she kisses the cover, and then takes off out the door.
I didn’t catch that last bit of the transaction, but Employee Aaron reported that to me, and…being the future DEA agent that he is…he also reported to me that the young woman smelled of the marijuana. I didn’t catch that particular detail…my sense of smell isn’t that great, sometimes…but perhaps that explains her level of…enthusiasm. And why she never came back for the book. Yeah, that came as a real surprise.
The book was given a good scrubbing, by the way. It wasn’t like she left behind any lipstick stains or anything, but still, dude, don’t kiss the books.
Would you like another brief story of oral oddities at the store? Sure you would.
Many years ago, in the pre-pal Dorian days, back when Former Employee Rob still walked the shop’s aisles, we had a door-to-door saleslady come into the store selling spray bottles of all-purpose cleaner. She was about our age (again, mid-20s, which I was at the time, and probably shocks the heck out of Employee Aaron to realize that I was once his age) and she was really up and cheerful and totally committed to trying to sell us this all-purpose cleaner.
Well, it must have been a slow day at the shop, and there weren’t any customers around, so Rob and I kinda bantered back and forth with her, asking her half-serious but mostly goofy questions about the cleaner. You know, kind of giving her a bad time about it, but not really bad, and she was laughing and having fun with the questions, so there were no hard feelings or anything. No one was being a jerk, is what I’m trying to say.
Eventually she says, “and you know what’s best about this cleaner? It’s completely non-toxic!” At that point, she removes the top from her sample bottle, and then licks the tube that draws the fluid into the spray nozzle.
I’m fairly certain both Rob and I had the same reaction to this demonstration, and that reaction was most likely “AAAAAAUGH!”
I don’t entirely recall what happened after that, but I’m pretty sure the saleslady left under her own power, and not in an ambulance. And though Rob told me later “Geez, I almost bought a bottle right then,” we ended up not buying any of the cleaning fluid.
I do feel bad about that, now. At the very least, I owe her for giving me this story.
Man, I hope there weren’t any long term effects on her, “non-toxic” or not. Ick.
There’s no real genteel way of saying “licks the tube.” Or, at least, I coudn’t come up with one as I was writing this. I apologize.
