By which I mean "Wolverine’s penis."
So I’ve been sitting on this issue of Adventures of the X-Men #4 (July 1996) for a while now, because it features C’thulhu and “the ancient R’lyeh texts” and other kinda-sorta Lovecraftian things being raised by the Marvel Universe demons, the N’Garai. It all sounds a lot more interesting than it actually is, so basically, I never got around to it.
But I was poking through the comic again, and noticed something. The story begins with Cyclops out riding a motorcycle and coming across trouble, which, you know, is gonna happen. As the story progresses, the motorcycle gets lost during some battle or other, and the issue ends with Wolverine whining about it:
First, if you knew anyone who referred to himself as “the old Canucklehead,” I’d imagine you’d do your best to stop knowing him in short order. Second, I tried to cut off as much Gambit as I could in this scan…I apologize for not being entirely successful. Third, Wolvie explicitly says the motorcycle was his, but let’s look at the license plate of the motorcycle Cyclops was riding:
So, the posssible explanations:
1. This is Cyclops’ motorcycle — he bought the cycle, registered it, paid extra for the personalized plates — but because Wolverine is a big greedy grabby jerk, he decided at some point prior to this story to lay claim to it, and uses it whenever he feels like without asking Cyclops for permission. And, thus, feels it’s his bike.
2. It actually is Wolverine’s motorcycle, and he has the “ONE EYE” personalized plates to mock Cyclops for not being cool enough to have a bike of his own.
3. Wolverine and Cyclops went in “halvsies” on buying the bike, and Cyclops won the coin toss and got to personalize the plates.
4. It actually is Wolverine’s motorcycle, and “ONE EYE” actually refers to…um, something else. Compensating much, Wolvie?
Well, here’s a bit of the C’thulhu-esque shenanigans at work in this story…this is the only cool part, honest. I couldn’t even fit it all on the scanner:
And Wolverine, of course, can’t shut up about it. I always figured Wolverine was a little more stoic than this:
