Progressive Ruin Presents…The End of Civilization.

§ September 28th, 2006 § Filed under Uncategorized Comments Off

Lo, there shall be an End of Civilization! Hie yourselves hither to your copies of the October 2006 Diamond Previews catalog and follow along. (Previous installments: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19)

p. 183 – Ghost Rider Desert Statue:

Um…

…just sayin’.

p. 183 – Ghost Rider Mephistopheles’ Cane Prop Replica:

Three feet long, topped with a crystal skull, goofy as all get-out.

p. 185 – Marvel Universe New Avengers Spider-Man Bust:

Commemorate two, count ‘em, two soon-to-be-undone changes to Spidey’s status quo!

p. 189 – Marvel Mount Heroes and Villains Bookends:

Okay, these are actually kind of cool. I like crazy bookends (though I have so many books I don’t really have space on the shelves for bookends). And now I’m picturing Mount Rushmore with Wolverine instead of Lincoln…AS IT SHOULD BE.

p. 318 – The 3 Geeks: Jim’s Jerky! – I now present to you the greatest comic book gimmick of all time:

“The 3 Geeks have returned in a hilarious, full-color ’boutique’ sized comic book called ‘Jim’s Jerky!’ that actually comes with a free chunk of delicious beef jerky!”

That’s it…everyone else can stop publishing comics now. FREE BEEF JERKY. This…this is just downright beautiful.

p. 403 – Lex Luthor Washed Hero Cap:

“Hero or Villain? Celebrate the undisputed genius, Lex Luthor, with this stylish cap.”

Yeah, I’m pretty sure the answer is “villain.” And just having the Lex Luthor logo on the cap is a little…weird, isn’t it? It needs a pic of Lex slapped on there, too:

Okay, that’s “Young Lex Luthor” from Adventure #292, but you get the idea.

p. 403 – Batman Tattoo T-Shirt:

Okay, I don’t care how you dress it up, and how “cool” you try to make it, that’s still a Batman logo shirt.

p. 424 – Buffy the Vampire Slayer Mr. Gordo Stuffed Pig Plush Replica:

It’s not an End of Civilization without another insane Buffy prop replica. I…I honestly don’t know what to tell you. It’s forty bones, limited to 2,500 pieces. So there you go.

p. 444 – Professor X Mini-Bust:

Pick your favorite:

a) “Hey, Bob…why do you have a statue of a bald man with a headache?”

b) “I see they’re finally making Dave’s Long Box merchandise.” (scroll down a bit if you don’t get it)

p. 450 – Rocky Apollo Creed Boxing Trunks Replica:

God bless the current onslaught of Rocky merchandise:

“From the classic film, this wearable 1:1 scale prop replica brings the look of the boxing ring into your collection, housed in a museum-quality shadow box!”

“WEARABLE.” Fantastic. The solicitation also reads “limited to 1,000 pieces (the year of the film’s release)” but I’m gonna guess that’s a typo.

p. 450 – Serenity River Triumphant Statue — okay, I’m going to be a total jerk, so you may want to avert your eyes:

“Limited to 1,000 pieces, each statue features a hand-numbered base with matching box and Certificate of Authenticity.”

Ah, so that’s pretty much one statue for every person who saw Serenity in the theatre.

…I’M ONLY JOKING. You Firefly secret police can just relax.

p. 454 – Witchblade “Schoolgirl” Statue:

“Presenting police officer Sara Pezzini (Witchblade) in undercover school garb….”

Oh, yeah, “undercover school garb” — I’M SURE SHE FIT RIGHT IN.

Marvel Previews p. 10 – Ultimate Spider-Man #103:

“The record is broken for the longest continual run by a creative team in Marvel history!”

…Well, aside from that 120-issue run of Groo the Wanderer by Sergio Aragones and Mark Evanier, of course. Okay, that was under Marvel’s Epic imprint, but I didn’t see any qualifiers in that solicitation, did you? “…The longest continual run on a work-for-hire corporately-owned superhero comic by a creative team in Marvel history!”

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