Yes, I really own all these things.

§ September 20th, 2004 § Filed under swamp thing § 3 Comments

This is one of the very first things I’d ever bought on eBay, over six years ago now. In fact, I think this may be the very item that inspired me to get an eBay account in the first place. Let me distract you from that highly embarrassing and very sad bit of personal information and draw your attention to the ballyhooing of “ACTION! Movable arms” blurbed on the package. While, yes, the arms do appear to move, I would have had a hard time attributing any kind of exciting “action” to that. Maybe you could pretend to move his arms around as if he were writhing in pain as you jab a pencil into his hip. Also, there were apparently three different designs in the exciting Swamp Thing pencil sharpener line:

…but that was the only one I’ve found.

This piece of merchandise boldly tells you, the consumer, just what exactly you’re getting. “I’M CHALK!” exclaims the package, and by God, chalk is exactly what you get. Chalk carved in the general likeness of Swamp Thing and colored green, perhaps, but that, my friends, is Washable, Dustless chalk in its purest form. According to the back of the package, some of the suggested uses for Swamp Thing chalk are “Do Your Homework,” “Play Games,” and “Draw Funny Pictures” – yes, Swamp Thing chalk can cover the full spectrum of life. Also, according to the package, the Swamp Thing chalk “works great on chalk boards” which must come as great relief to someone.

Okay, seriously, I’m sure the “I’M CHALK!” legend on the front is some kind of warning that this item isn’t candy, just in case having “CHALK” in orange letters on the front, and having pictures of kids drawing things with chalk on the back, weren’t clue enough.

Measuring a whopping 34 inches tall when fully erec…er, inflated, the Swamp Thing bop bag is certainly something to behold. At last, we now have something to punch in order to work out our frustrations over the poor quality of the Swamp Thing movies. (“This is for the saggy-bottomed costume! And this is for the annoying kids in the films! And this is for topless Adrienne Barbeau…oh, wait….”)

Additional linkage:

I’d not seen the French Swamp Thing movie poster before.

And what the heck…The Offical Adrienne Barbeau Webpage.

3 Responses to “Yes, I really own all these things.”